Cyber bullies - who they are and what to do about them

"While it is easy to blame management - the bottom line is that WE have the power to put an end to the cyber coward's grip on the 'Cafe

 

For too long, the cyber thugs have run rough-shod over the members - using fear and intimidation as weapons against the honest and decent members of the site. We have always blamed Chuckie for this, but as a site owner myself, I know no matter how strict policies are - these jerks find ways to ridicule, harass and cyber stalk their prey.

There are ways to deal with these nameless and faceless cowards (Let face it - these punks are nothing more than online school yard bullies):

1) Realize one of their main "weapons" - the "bad" review is NOTHING more than a personal opinion - just remember the old saying - "Opinions are like a-holes, everyone has one - and they usually stink". Other reasons they ridicule others:

a): Jealousy - Some feel their work isn't up to the standards of others they see here and other sites. They believe by cutting down others they improve the quality of their own work.

b) Inferiority complex: along the same lines of jealousy - but instead of envy they suffer from low self esteem, so by knocking other people down they build themselves up.

c) Attention w****s: They feel the world revolves around them and everyone is beneath them and they deserve all the accolades. They can't stand to see anyone else achieve any sort of success and like the other two they feel they can brow beat the "competition" into submission.

2) They also feed on the fear members of having a less than perfect rating or not being a top writer.

Come on, WAKE UP PEOPLE! the points, ratings and badges are nothing more than pretty decorations, they mean nothing and in the grand scheme of things are insignificant. Being sensitive to your standing here is empowering to these trolls. Just post your work and take all reviews for what they are and live and let live.

To quote Eleanor Roosevelt: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"

 

If all else fails, block the cowards - or worse ignore them.  

 

If we band together - we can take back the site and relegate the cyber cowards to where they belong - oblivion

 

Author's Note

don't care about ratings. Constructive reviews welcome. non-constructive reviews are ignored, and negative reviews are treated for what they are: A feeble attempt to try and intimidate - go ahead and the world will see you for what you are: an immature coward.

Reviews

[Anne Martin]

Tut, tut, Gary. Should I point out the typo in the Roosevelt quote? Yes, there is bullying on the site, but I think it goes deeper than that. It's insecurity - that is the root of jealousy. Some people have to prove how great they are and will not listen to anyone who says they aren't. Some of it has to do with age. Younger, more-driven writers have something to prove - they are in competition with their peers. Everything they do is perfect, and they refuse to admit they might be wrong. Older writers sometimes go the other way, saying that they are so inexperienced that they can't give useful reviews. They praise everything, give everyone hundreds and expect everyone to take their inexperience into account when reviewing.

Concerning those perfect ratings, the site as it is designed plays into that trap, since it has no error correction or skewing of results. There is nothing wrong with the desire to be perfect, or even competition to be top writer or reviewer, but until the system takes into account the average rating of the reviewer, the scores are meaningless, and promote rating dumping or bloating, hence cyber-bullying.

With the wide variety of age and experience, there are bound to be problems. Writing is a Universal Church - we are all writers, but we have different likes, and varying levels of understanding and permissiveness. Certain things don't bother me at all, but I know that they bother others. Who determines what is passable and what isn't? What is art anyway? It's a subjective thing.

I've always tried to give honest reviews - not reading the reviews of others until after I have written my own - and it a way it might be worth it to hide other reviews until you have posted yours. Because of the system, I probably rate higher than I should, but that can't be helped at present.

I think your piece lays out the facts well, but could be a little more balanced in its attack. Some of it is the fault of the system and some is just human nature. The system could be refined to lessen the effects of human nature.

[Mad Dog Wilson]

Thanks for your input Anne. That is why I respect your opinions and trust your council as a moderator. I guess having little tolerance for cyber cowards who hide behind a screen name and spew their hate is a weakness, but I feel the best way to resolve a problem is to approach it head on.

You presented a very good case as to other reasons this goes on - but until a fundemental change is made, if we can remove or reduce the number of cyber thugs and balance out the other reasons.

admittedly my spelling and grammar aren't the greatest - I rely on spell check and a good editor :P