Porcelain Doll

Confidence with every step.

Every breath,

Dark brown eyes with a hint of fearlessness.

A smirk painted on her smooth sun kissed skin.

People rarely approach her.

Intimidated by the swagger that rolls off her.

All the while they have no clue.

That it's all an act,

So they do not see,

The emptiness that lurks behind those eyes.

Emptiness that swallows happiness,

Swallows innocence's,

She only understands aggression and pain.

Sadness and anger,

She used to understand happiness.

Was always surrounded by its light,

Until life came slamming into her.

Smashing her to pieces,

Her warmth fleeing with the wind.

Slowly, she pieced herself together.

Into a porcelain doll,

Perfect on the outside.

Cold and hollow on the inside.

 

Reviews

[TheRaven]

When life breaks you into pieces, you put yourself back together again with harder layers that can be rough and unkind to outsiders. A facade of strength and confidence that everyone either respects or is intimidated by. There's a confidence and a bevy of traits that roll off that surface. I like how you described that, I find some wording to be too hard-hitting in a literal sense that could have been figured differently but when you got to some more metaphorical areas at the end of this piece you began to pick up serious punching power here. I think a lot of us know the feeling. Laugh, smile, repeat, every day. Go home, exhausted and tired. Take off the costume of a confident person and you're left with the tired soul collapsing onto the bed in a heap, broken. So much shown on the surface, but inside it's cold; we don't let anyone in anymore and when we do we freeze them out.

[Roe]

Thank you for your review. I'm glad you were able to understand the felling behind this. I also would like to know what words were to hard-hitting, so I may be able to avoid it in the future.

[TheRaven]

Sorry it took a bit to get back to this. Alright, so let's grab some lines.

Things like: "She only understands aggression and pain" or "Sadness and anger." These are emotions. They come off like a piece of 'telling' rather than showing. Sometimes when I say hard hitting, this is what I mean. It's so very literal, and doesn't give me what I like to see in poetry. A chance to read that in a few different forms. It also robs me the chance to SEE the porcelain doll for myself. I want to see cracks in the porcelain. I want to see her breaking points. There are other ways to capture the feelings of sadness than directly using the word. Does that make sense?

[Roe]

Yes, that makes total sense I get what you mean now. Thank you for explaining.

[Coyote Poetry]

Powerful use of description.
"Emptiness that swallows happiness,
Swallows innocence's,
She only understands aggression and pain.
Sadness and anger,
She used to understand happiness. "
The above lines told a story of many people. Lost to regret and sadness. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Roe]

Thank you for your review I'm glad you enjoyed iit.

[Coyote Poetry]

I did and you are welcome.

[外人 (Gaiji..]

I know the feeling. What you described is unfortunately familiar to me. Are you describing yourself or someone you're closed to, if I can ask? Wish that person the very best, life do slam into us but eventually it gives us something good too, like someone that dares looking inside of us and dealing with our sorrow and fears. Great poem !

[Roe]

Thanks you for your review, and I was talking about myself. I wish for the very best for you as well.