Death?

Death?

A Story by MajorMorris
"

Actually a song love to have thoughts and comments

"
Blood and bodies falling every day wishing they can decay but there's a big delay on their way
Hell bound with their hands bound with all their eyes down millions all around wishing they could drown in the fiery lake they all make up with the sins they all partake
 
but they all admit they wish they could restart and forget like a new part of a song so next time they hear that holy bong they could rest their eyes but it's no surprise everyone has their falls and rises
 look at Moses he couldn't always stop and smell the roses if you need something then your gonna bleed for something everything i got i worked for and bled for you might not believe not everything’s free            
Just wake up and see that your walking in a crowd to the bucher shed listen to what your mother said let everyone be them and you be you   so wake up stand up grow a backbone and do something you've never done 
Live everyday like its your last because it really is your brother or sister may be gone in the next moment so 
Say that thing you've always had in your head  and pray before you go to bed 
Look at how messed up the world is you tell someone your they're lord and they'll nail you to a board Babies are burning everyday and most people don't let it get in they're way but it needs to because you will scream too 
No need to live in fear of becoming another gear in the machine 
There's no need to ask me just open your eyes and see 

© 2018 MajorMorris


Author's Note

MajorMorris
Try not to kill me on the spelling/grammer errors

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Kay
This reads off like spoken word poetry, which is something you might be interested in if you're not too familiar. It has great rhythm with imagery that's consistent to the message of "open your eyes and see". I especially like the line: "Hell bound with their hands bound with all their eyes down millions all around wishing they could drown in the fiery lake". Keep up the good writing! Looking forward to you posting more.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

MajorMorris

1 Year Ago

awesome, thank you I definitely will



Reviews

You have good rhyming and imaging skills, but I feel the poem needs a little more focus. I can see you have a message here, but I can't identify it. Consider rearranging the work into shorter verses that lead logically one into another, so that the whole has a unity of theme. Good luck.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

MajorMorris

1 Year Ago

Alrighty thank you
[send message][befriend] Subscribe
Kay
This reads off like spoken word poetry, which is something you might be interested in if you're not too familiar. It has great rhythm with imagery that's consistent to the message of "open your eyes and see". I especially like the line: "Hell bound with their hands bound with all their eyes down millions all around wishing they could drown in the fiery lake". Keep up the good writing! Looking forward to you posting more.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

MajorMorris

1 Year Ago

awesome, thank you I definitely will

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159 Views
2 Reviews
Added on May 18, 2018
Last Updated on May 18, 2018
Tags: song, deep, life, openyoureyes

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