Racing

This is about a 16 year old pianist who goes to a music academy for girls..thats all i have so far. the rest is going to have to be a surprise :P

Chapter 1

               The music flowed through her body, her slender fingers dancing on the white and black keys of her grand piano.  The girl’s body swayed with every push of the sustain pedal, making her silky brunette curls bounce and her satiny smooth skin flush with warmth.  Her dress was elegant and sparkly, with similarly dressed people standing around her.  The girl’s father, his arm through her mother’s, winked at her.

               Malaise was jerked out of her dream by rough hands pulling her up by her shirt.

               “Get outta here before I call the cops,” An older man, probably in his early forties, hissed at her.  He let go and she stumbled backwards, turning and running out of the alley she had been sleeping in.  The truth was Malaise had no home.  No money, no father, and no mother - no one.  She had been taught to play the piano beautifully, though, before her parents died.  She had been sleeping in this alley for days with nothing to eat.  She had frizzy brunette curls, acne mottling her tan skin.  But if you looked into her glowing hazel eyes, you would see that she wasn’t giving up.  Heck, she was just sixteen!  How could she give up when she didn’t even know what her future was going to hold?  But she knew one thing �" she was going to have a hard life.

*          *          *

               Malaise got her break.  She was watching an old man play chopsticks on a keyboard in the middle of a crowd, but no one paused to toss money in the hat that he had laid out.

               “Excuse me, sir.”  Malaise said politely.  “May I play for money?”

               “Huh,” He said, squinting down at her.  “Like they’ll give you money, but you can try if you want.”

               “Thank you, sir,” Malaise said sweetly.

               “Huh,” the old man said again.  Then Malaise was moving toward the piano...  And it was like they had never been apart.  She had not grown rusty in the years she had not played the piano.  It was like she was in her shabby little house with its patched roof again.  But she had had a beautiful baby grand that her mother had worked hard for.

               Now, she played Fur Elise on a dirty keyboard, but still a beautiful sound came out of it.  So beautiful that people stopped and stared �" and tossed money into the hat that the old man had lain out.  The tune was not hurried; Malaise played with a natural skill that few people had.

               When she finished the song, the old man was gaping at her, and she realized that he was missing quite a few teeth.

               “Can you sing?”  He asked her finally.

               Malaise shrugged. “I have never tried,” she said simply.

               “Well, try.”  The old man said.  So Malaise sang a song while she played the piano.  A beautiful, high-pitched, haunting melody slithered from her mouth.  Accompanied with the piano, it sounded like a whole choir.  Malaise was racing.

Chapter 2

               Quite a crowd had gathered as Malaise finished her third song on the piano.  A man stepped forward and introduced himself as the owner of a music academy for girls.

               “Would you be interested in joining?”  He finished.

               “I...” Malaise started, and then finished lamely, “I have no money.”

               The man snorted and said, “With your talent, that won’t be necessary.  So, what do you say?”

               “Sure,” Malaise replied, feeling ecstatic.

*          *          *

               The Sunrise Music Academy for Girls was unlike anything Malaise had ever seen.  A towering structure, it was home to many rich girls who she could see through the big windows, staring at her as she went up the stone steps, past the manicured lawn, the bushes resembling animals, and finally, a huge elephant fountain.

               “Right this way, miss.”  The man, whose name was Edward Sr., said, beckoning her toward a set of huge oak doors.

               The Academy was even more impressive from the inside.  Two massive staircases swept the lengths of the room, each leading to a different side.  The décor was expensive, “not to be touched,” said Edward Sr.  The tinkling of another fountain greeted her as she made her way up the staircase to her right.  Edward Sr. had given her specific instructions.  “Up the stairs, then go all the way down the hall and turn left.  Your room number is thirty-two.”

               So, Malaise went up the marble staircase, cold against her dirty bare feet, and went all the way down the hall.  She passed girls in their spotless uniforms, giggling at her dirty, ragged clothes.

               They don’t know how lucky they are to have a home, Malaise thought angrily as she passed yet another giggling group of girls.  Malaise just stared back, and they turned away, hurrying down the hallway she had just come in.

               She slowed when she saw door number thirty, and then opened her door.  Inside, it was like a palace.  There was a huge four-poster bed complete with butterfly nets and bed skirts.  To her left was a wooden desk with a laptop already sitting on it.  The entire room was painted creamy beige with dark brown floral prints along the bottom.  Next to the desk was a bookshelf stuffed full of books.  A crystal chandelier hanging down from the ceiling, and, completing the look, an enormous window gave her a view of the perfect and beautiful gardens. 

               Malaise stared openmouthed at the sight before her.  She had never been anywhere this beautiful, before.  Finally, after a few minutes of gawking, her trembling hand felt the edges of the silky sheets of the bed, and the dust-less oak table.

               Since she didn’t have any bag to unpack, she was to come to dinner with the other girls right away.   She looked at the ornate clock hanging on the wall.  It read 6:25.  Malaise’s stomach rumbled and she went out of her beautiful new room, casting one last loving glance over her shoulder as she closed the door.

               When she arrived, showered and changed into clean clothes, to the dining hall, all chatter abruptly ceased.  This room was painted the same as her room, with the same chandelier, but there was a long dining table in the middle of the room.  There was a bouquet of flowers sitting on the middle of the table, and the ceiling was shaped in such a way that noise in the room seemed two times louder than it really was.  

Author's Note

It's not finished yet, but I think it's going to be pretty dramatic and adventure-filled(:
Please review my story, and be rude(:
jk imma tell you the rest. She finds out that the girls there are being brainwashed into making nuclear bombs for the headmaster so that he can destroy the world. Then she's in a race against time, money, and everyone at the Sunrise Music Academy for Girls, to save everyone she knows and loves before the all die. :D

Reviews

[Allen Smuckler]

Molly,
I don't know where you're going to end up based on two chapters...but I can tell you this....you definitely have a knack for story telling...You mad it interesting, descriptive, and for the time being anyway, a tale I might like to follow. There are many things (grammar, syntax, and structure) that need work....but that shouldn't stop you at all. Your colorful imagery lets me know exactly who the characters are and makes me care about them.
Continue to write and edit as you go along.
Look at other writes to see how they handle dialogue and .....I almost hate to say this....but rewrite sentences that end in prepositions. Ex teacher talking now.
All in all a superb start, Molly
allen

[Alex Vidmar]

I will get to this asap. I promise. I've just been kinda busy lately.

[CrimsonBlaze]

You explained it in the Author's Note, but I'm dying for more, if your'e not too busy to write it. This piece was amazing and I loved it. I, being a piano player, find that if I was in this circumstance I would be lucky to have entered a school like this. But like you said in the note, it wasn't an ideal school where anyone would go to. Hopefully you can continue and sorry I didnt get to this sooner...I had lots to finish XD

[Coyote Poetry]

You got my attention and I need to read more. I like the storyline and the character. I like the feel of real world in the words. Your description took me to the place where she has nothing but some hope left. The ending open the door to a different life for the young girl. I hope to read more of this excellent and interesting story.
Coyote

[patricia]

Like how it starts on a bursting bubble, and back to reality, it made me think of Hans Christian Anderson for some reason. Enjoyed the way you threw in the titles of the music, especially Fur Elise! The street singing called to mind 'Edith Piaf'. The thing I liked most about this story was the way it showed how homeless people are actually sometimes also very cultured! The last bit was great about the high ceiling changing the acoustics. I hope you write more. This was a cheering...triumph over tragedy write. I am sure it will be very popular. It was certainly my cup of tea. Thankyou.

[Alex Crow]

Amazing...I'm at a loss for words. Your descrption is...terrific. It's very girly in the beginning, but with the little note you left It'll draw the attention of tomboys. It would make a wonderful book and would without a doubt get published (if thats what you want.)

[Luna ShadowWolf]

Oh, wow. That's amazing. i love it, would really like to read more of this. i'm excited to see how this turns out! it's great, you explain everything really clearly. i can see every little detail you describe in amazing clarity thanks to your great skills.

[BS Johnson]

I enjoyed it. Pretty descriptive. I'm not in any position to tell anyone how to write stories, as I am brand new at it myself, but imho I thought it was very good!

[Drako]

hmm, ok, so this is going to be a longer story. As such, i would think you should put it into the book format, even if it ends up as more of a novella. The start is interesting, though perhaps a little rushed. Perhaps that's because you started it with the idea of a short story. Also, your author's note seems like the synopsis for the start of the story. Perhaps that should be used as your description for it if you put it in the book or novella format. The idea behind the story is solid. My one piece of advice is don't rush the story. Let it build up naturally. Don't just throw the events together too fast in an effort to get to the end of the story. As long as you know how it's going to end, take all the time you need to build up to the end. You'll appreciate it more in the end

[light and ashes]

I love to see people that have had a very hard life succeed maybe its because it sets an example for me. It proves that with hard work,determination,and faith you can truly do anything :) I love what I've read so far however, I am not quite sure what I think about how you are planning on ending it, but then again you are the writter of this story and not me.

[Becky Clancy]

First of all: Wow you write alot O.O I can never write that much
Secondly: I thought was really good, even though I'm not a big reader at heart, I still thought that your story was still really good, I can't wait to read the rest of it ^^