Broken Pieces

I let someone into my life only to break me in the end...

It's been a while,

Since I've thought of you

I try to forget

What I once knew

You promised me

You wouldn't leave

But here I lay

In disbelief

Watching you

As you walk silently away

You never looked back

And now all is gray

I'm all alone

And can't help but cry

Knowing you didn't care

While I was dying inside

I trusted you

Gave it my all

And all you did

Was let me fall

I was a fool

To love you

Never did I know

You'd break me in two...

Author's Note

Its the first piece I've written in a year... I know it's not great but needed to let it out somehow.

Reviews

[Hannah]

I definitely like the edits you've made, it really helps the poem flow really well. My only real critique now is that I think it should be disbelief (line 8) because it's a noun, rather than disbelieve, which is a verb. But, then again, what do i know? xD Hope it helps!

[Manda]

thank you, again.

[Elizabeth Marie O'neil-..]

This flowed very nicely. I liked it a lot even though it was sad. Great Job!

[Sami Khalil]

Knowing you didn't care
while I was dying inside ...
Well penned.

[Ama May Cooper]

Very elegant poetry here, the flow is a little off but its not a massive issue. clear and emotional. A sad story of lovers parted way. wonderful

[Mauricio Montoya]

I’ve read a lot of your work in the past and you haven’t lost your touch, like how this piece comes together after all love is a short word that sometime is mis- used. Nice work.

[Manda]

Thanks, always a please reading what you have to say :)

[Mauricio Montoya]

you're welcome, keep on writing and take care

[Coyote Poetry]

It is a very good poem. Good to express story of love and disappointment. Allowed us to look back in the future when we were young and reckless once. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Hannah]

For not writing for a year this is pretty good! I really like the structure of the poem, the breaks are all in great places and makes the piece more interesting. My only real critique is that if you want to rhyme, you should stick to it. After the first 3 stanzas you start rhyming, (cried inside, all fall, you two) so it might help unify the piece if the beginning also has some sort of rhyme. (unless it compromises meaning, then don't do it)

[Manda]

okay, thank you