Fading Away

Times running out. He doesnt notice her and she is fading each and everyday. Soon she will be gone forever.

I watch them
Each and everyday
In the corner of my eye
Hoping they'll see me
But they never seem to notice
My time is running out
And I am slowly
Fading away...

Reviews

[loowzerX]

I love this! brilliant

[mirabella]

Apt fading format for the topic. I like how the line about people never noticing is the longest line, the one trying to gain attention. Great work. :)

[Jess.]

Very good! I can totally relate... :(

[Seriana]

Simple and to the point. Very effective. I like the brevity of it....It's like a bumper sticker of sorts. A verse or two long enough to catch the reader's interest without overwhelming. It's almost like an hourglass visually, too. :)
Thanks for sharing.

[Emily]

This is a really unique piece. Short, and very too the point. My only idea would be that you don't watch someone "in the corner of your eye" you watch them "Out of the corner of your eye". I also like the contrast that would give this piece. I really like the idea of someone outside your sphere who you watch, who doesn't seem to notice that you very often watching them.
The questions this piece leaves are quite nice. You do not always end a piece wanting to have read more or known more about the subject of the piece of writing. Very nice work.

[LostInThought ♥]

Wow! Thats all I can say! This is so simple, it flows great, and I enjoyed reading it. I can't really describe why I like it so much I just do.... :) Very nice! Great write!

[bellboy]

its true like destinee said everyone can relate to it sooner or later :) great poem the dots at the end really added emotion to the poem along with keeping it short excelent job

[Destinee]

i think this is something everyone can relate to in some point of their life. Including me :D Great job at catching that essence and morphing into a lovely poem! I love little details, and one that stood out to me in this is the ellipsis right after the words "fading away" which really amplified the entire tone of the poem. so, once again, Great Job!

[Sarah]

it nice good job it something everyone care relate too

[Nicole]

Short and cute. :)
Its something i think everyone can relate to at least once in their life.
Brings back some memories...-siigh-