ON THE BUS

This is a story about a bus ,

the one i take every single day to college, somtimes i find it fun but others not soo much 

In days you can find cool dudes but others a lots of fools but the fact is for sure not all the passengers are going the same station.

it's like a little frame of life , every personne has his goal, dreams and wishes and a certain plan to achive it either with his loving ones or traveling  all alone .

in one bus, there is fourty to  fifty personne , story, worry and millions of thoughts ....  for exemple one "Iam late for my classe" an other" i have to pass", one thinks " i need fruit" and she says " he is so cute"

 here ,I see difference and similarity at the same time when logic called this contraduction and it can't happen but it does take a trip and you will see. 

me on the other hand , Iam trying to makes sens of the situation around me. By the way if you get on this bus I'm the girl with her headphone on ,listening to her music , staring out from the window and writing on my notebook in other words Im in my own world.

my trip to school takes an hour and half before I put my feet to the ground it gives me the chance to fly to other places far away with no strings attached , I go deep in my imagination investing my creation based on my moode , either happy it's just like heaven and if iam mad it's like hell or if iam sad it dark like iam dead. 

 

Reviews

[Christina]

Brilliant idea Manel- you wrote about your bus journey to school. Although I loved your work but the few spelling mistakes and typos make it difficult to read. I mean it was taking away the essence of your work.

While reading I thought, I'll have to comment you with guiding hand but matrix had already helped you with it.

I hope you make the necessary changes, especially the spelling mistakes, so that other readers can enjoy going through your journey in the bus.

Regards,
Christina :)

[Manel]

thank you christina you are always here to guide me i really apreciated it

[Rye]

i adore your second to last stanza, that's just me as well. I love listening to music while writing it gives me inspiration. This is really good

[Manel]

thank you for the kind words my friend

[Rye]

not a problem, i enjoyed the read. I'll check out more later

[matrixmark]

Ok, so we have a piece here which I can see has potential so let me give you a guiding hand.

ALL OF IT IS DESIGNED TO HELP AND NOT MOCK YOUR WRITING. I REALLY LIKED YOUR STORY AND WANT TO HELP.

Change this.....it's like a little frame of life , every personne has his goal, dreams and wishes and a certain plan to achive it either with his loving ones or traveling all alone .

To this........It's like a little frame of life, every person having their own goal. Each individual with their own plans. whether with a loved one or on thier own.

Change this....in one bus, there is fourty to fifty personne , story, worry and millions of thoughts .... for exemple one "Iam late for my classe" an other" i have to pass", one thinks " i need fruit" and she says " he is so cute"

To this...In one bus, there are forty to fifty people, each with thier own worry, thoughts or story. With one saying 'i have to pass' whilst another says ' I'm late for my class.'

me on the other hand , Iam trying to makes sens of the situation around me. By the way if you get on this bus I'm the girl with her headphone on ,listening to her music , staring out from the window and writing on my notebook in other words Im in my own world.

Change it to...Me on the other hand, I'm just trying to make sense of it all. By the way if you get on this bus I'm the girl with her headphones on. I'll be listening to my music whilst staring out the window, scribbling words in my scrapbook as the world goes by.


An enjoyable read. I hope my help has guided you in the right direction.
Mark.

[Manel]

thank you so much for your instructions MARK

[matrixmark]

You are welcome. It's only designed to help - you can do what you want with it.
I really did like your story. I felt it had a very innocent ring to it and I enjoyed it very much.

Mark.

Keep writing.

[wordman]

i guess it shows even though your on the same bus your life is entirely different,a new story in every seat,every body going different directions

[Manel]

you are absolutly right my friend thank you for passing by

[Dr. YumnaKay]

This was an interesting read. Somehow, it made me think of life too. You get so many people alongside you, each with their own thoughts and ways of living, and you trying to find your feet on the ground as life moves on..

As per the content, it's a good write and thought provoking. But as far as writing is concerned, you need to work on it. Like in this piece, there are places lacking in proper execution of grammar and other (minor) issues which can be easily overcome.
I liked reading this. Keep writing 😊

[Manel]

thank you so much , iam dont study english so i will be glad if you tell me about the mistakes i made
I greatfull for your encouragement Yumna

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You're welcome! I'll inbox you shortly 😊

[Manel]

thank you Yumna