what is love

a little one sided love i hope you will like it

She asked me what’s love ?

what color is it?

How does it tast?

And how can we feel it?

She’s so pure and neat

Her curiosity was so sweet

Waiting for me to answer

with a glare of a fencer

 

Love is:

 

Feeling happy after a bad day by looking at you

Can’t stop Smiling when I think about you

Feeling full while watching you eating

Losing my sleep to stare at your pretty face sleeping

when i have time we spend it together

spoiling you makes my day better

Love’s colore is a unique 

mixes your brown eyes and dark hair 

add to it your skin's fair

with a bit of your parfum there 

made a perfect magic spell 

that left me amazed by you as well

well love simply is:

When you find parts of yourself in someone else 

a bond wich makes two heart beat as one 

if one got hurt the other feels the pain instead

Reviews

[JayG]

First, structured poetry does not simply have rhymes dropped in here and there. The structure and flow of words in structured poetry acts as a means of keeping a rhythm, with the rhyme acting as a kind of meta-punctuation, the "tink" of a symbol to add accent.

And when you do rhyme, the line must NEVER be forced to the needs of the rhyme, as you do in this.

The line in which you needed to rhyme with Answer, for example, and used, "with a glare of a fencer," results in a line that makes no sense. Fencers need to focus, and concentrate, not radiate hate. An angry fencer is one who makes mistakes.

But that aside, the lines above were about a woman asking about love, there's no anger implied in how she's asking. Yet at the end she appears to be angry, which doesn't track. But since Fencer rhymed with answer, you placed the needs of the rhyme above those of the flow of idea.

In general, I think you would benefit from reading the excerpt from Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. It's something I often recommend because it's a really good intro to the basics of structured poetry, and says a lot about the flow of words that may help you a great deal in getting a handle on what poetry is, and how it works.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[Manel]

thank you Jay for these notes they are really usefull
i didn't say that the girl was angry on the controry what i meant is that she was anticipating the answer and focused to hear it out
maybe my choice of word wasn't given the correct idea
thank you so much i appreciate it

[Thepensiveplayer]

You have a truly beautiful way of thinking. I'm glad you expressed yourself the way you did in this poem because I felt that way about someone on a certain level too. The heart is really the way to love all of someone no matter what. Nicely done!

[Manel]

that's so sweet of you thank you

[Rye]

I really enjoyed this write, love the last stanza

[Manel]

thank you so much for reading my peace

[Effie]

I found your descriptions of what love is refreshing and a pleasure to read. Also what a lucky woman to have someone say these sweet things to her! This leaves me with a smile. :) Thank yoou

[Manel]

you always encourage me with your lovely reviews Effie thank you so much

[Effie]

You are very welcome. I enjoy reading your words.

[Chris]

Good thoughts on a worldwide subject.

[Manel]

you are right chris it is and thank you

[wordman]

you sound like you know,good for you

[Manel]

supportive as always my friend thank you

[wordman]

my pleasure