Used to be..

Used to be..

A Poem by Marisa!(:
"

Ahh, its a song i wrote about this guy..

"

Wanting,

Needing,

Bleeding

For you.

 

Fighting,

Crying,

Dying,

For you.

 

All I need,

And all I want,

Is you.

 

I see you sitting there,

And I just stop and stare.

That’s all I ever do.

I wonder if there could be another me and you.

Thinking wondering if I’m,

Truly in love with you.

 

Wanting,

Needing,

Bleeding

For you.

 

Fighting,

Crying,

Dying,

For you.

 

All I need,

And all I want,

Is you.

 

I can't believe,

That we used to be.

I had given you all of me.

I wish we could be again.

Thoughts of you keep,

Running through my head.

 

As you held my hand,

I felt my heart melt and poor like sand.

I thought we were meant to be,

But there's never a happy ending.

 

Wanting,

Needing,

Bleeding

For you.

 

Fighting,

Crying,

Dying,

For you.

 

All I need,

And all I want,

Is you.

 

I see you sitting there,

I just stop and stare.

Thinking of what we used to be…

© 2009 Marisa!(:


Author's Note

Marisa!(:
(:Enjoy..

My Review

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Reviews

Wanting,
Needing,
Bleeding
For you.

Fighting,
Crying,
Dying,
For you.

All I need,
And all I want,
Is you.

I like the repetitive lines. They give it that extra oomph. Don't know that much about writing music, but it sounds good to me.

Posted 14 Years Ago


Powerfully moving and lyrical, your song is beautifully bittersweet... The last line is just haunting... "Thinking of what we used to be..." Excellent write.

Posted 14 Years Ago


poor = pour.
wrong spelling
:]
Other than that, that was really neat.
The repetition and the rhyming made it flow nicely.
And it most definitely could be lyrical
:]

Posted 14 Years Ago


I liked the flow of it all. It could be a really good song! Very well written, I'd say. Presents a strong meaning that everyone has experienced at least once.

Posted 14 Years Ago


=D Very nice. I enjoyed reading that.
(I'm a fan of rhyming) and I loved the rhymes here.
I also enjoyed the repition of the same starting lines, that a tool I use as well.
The only advice I can give you is to work out the syllables in your sentences, so that sentences that rhyme have the same length. I find it helps the flow of the poem.(Ex: Line A rhymes with line B and they both have the same number of syllables, and line C rhymes with line D, they also have the same number of syllables, but that number doesn't have to be the same as line A and B.) Hope thats not too confusing. =)
-Azza

Posted 14 Years Ago


Look how far you have traveled in just three poems. Kind of lyrical and could be a song. You have a refrain that nourishes your poem..Full of emotion and the questions that come with unrequinted love. You have really poured your heart into this one. I like it!! Keep writing, you do have talent and a gift. Look forward to seeing more from you.

Posted 14 Years Ago


aww very good. i rly get what your feeling you describe it well. i especially like the i felt my heart melt and poor like sand. that line is very good :)

Posted 14 Years Ago


really good i love it :)

Posted 14 Years Ago



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8 Reviews
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Added on August 25, 2009

Author

Marisa!(:
Marisa!(:

Albuquerque, NM



About
There's not a whole lot to me. But right now Im trying to get situated to High School. Imvery complicated. Writing is one of my escapes, as well as listening to music. Please leave me feedback and rev.. more..

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A Poem by Marisa!(:


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A Poem by Marisa!(: