I dare to look back

I dare to look back
Our cool moonlit evenings together
The way my jacket suited you
As you held onto my arm
And how my name sounded different when you said it

My black smoke breath
You kissed me all the same
And didn't mind not liking the taste
You only wanted me with you

The warmth you brought on a cold night
The simple sweetness of your smile
The promise to make a good wife

Nowadays your skin still shines
As I cling to you and cough

Too deep in and weak

To dream of fighting back

You worry about my health
As my chest grows tighter
And my every muscle aches

You’ve put a crucifix on the wall
To guard my health
And removed the mirror from your dressing table
So my pain is not reflected

Two souls now at odds with one another
Caring out of duty
Concern born from guilt

And I'm sorry

Reviews

[The Random Writings Of ..]

As I read this, it makes me think back to so many things we all could have done differently. This piece has so much meaning behind it, the love that first brought you together, true soul mates - one because even though your black smoke breath was was unappealing - the love blossomed. The tenderness and care. The brightness you see in her still, the care and love she holds for you to mask the pain. This is a lovely write. Yes easy to understand, yet the feelings of love are so complicated - true love at it's finest. It is rare that you find someone to share such a life with and I envy you for that. Thank you for sharing this tender loving peace.

[layla]

really! god so sad! "And removed the mirror from your dressing table
So my pain is not reflected" This here made me cry! i love your style so much! so sweet and beautiful!

[afra]

great write ...well done

[Gothic Girl]

i liked how you first implied how beautiful life is and slowly showed suffering. really well crafted!

[Leslie Philibert]

This is very good, full of good observations, and well written too. Excellent.

[Allie]

Wow, this relates to my life so much right now. I promised my husband that when we got married I would quit smoking. I quit for a year and now I am smoking again. He is disappointing in me about it and I feel guilty. This is a very good write and I love to read stuff that I can relate to my life.

[...and some ideas.]

I do not know if my choices were led by something in the titles..
but here again I see 2 parts in the poem..and this time I can not complet my review.I need time to think..maybe reread..maybe read another one :)

[Hayley]

"And I'm sorry". Wow. I was expecting a little different ending until I read that last line, but now I get why. It's not a hopeless sorry, just a worn sorry. The pain passed to a more physical suffering is moving in this piece.
I liked how you included "My black smoke breath
You kissed me all the same"
with "You worry about my health",
but then "Two souls now at odds with one another
Caring out of duty
Concern born from guilt"

It seems the two souls are at odds with one another, but it seemed inevitable from the beginning. A rather morbid look at (a relationship? life in general?), but speaks volumes of truth. The last line is still resonating with me.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Ah Mark, how you dare to lead your readers by the hand down the road in a journey to make us smile, well done, good read.