The words I know so well

My tears ran cold
As monsters crawled up my leg
And tongued upon my knee
I started to fumble
Over the words I know so well

I embark upon the last long walk
And unfold my white flag
My coffin will have beautiful wood
To make them wonder who’s beauty lies within

My flag will be presented to my son before I go
But what will I say
To cool his aching heart?
And allow him at will
To bring me back to life?

Remember these words
In a life rich in mistakes
They are all I have learned
“You are as you decide to be”

Reviews

[AtticusBlack]

It has a nostalgic feel when I read it, reads really easily and although each line is short and simple, that's what makes it work. Really like it :)

[Ruth]

Cleverly done, I like the suspension throughout this! Particularly the message at the end, powerful thoughts xoxo

[Jana Wilde]

Really good writing evokes a feeling from the reader, whether its the excited little thrill you get in the pit of your stomach wondering what will happen next as you turn the page or the crushing weight of despair and pin pricks in your eyes from something so sad. This definitely conveys the rich emotions of the characters and lets us feel them as well.

[Summer D.]

Thanks for the review; greatly appreciated.
Great write. I cannot stress how important that final line is...
Thank you for sharing. Brilliant; truly brilliant.
My favorite lines had to be the following:
"And allow him at will
To bring me back to life."

Again; thanks for the review and brilliant write.
"The words I know so well." Great title...

YT,

Summer D.

[Hayley]

The second stanza is riveting with the repetition of beauty, inside and out as you allude to with the coffin. I found it interesting you used "To cool his aching heart" because you only cool something when confronted with heat, burning if you will, which can be a slow ache. The flow is a bit choppy in some spots (but I have no room to talk) but it works. I find myself going against the grain with flow because it presents a more philosophical point of view. I find this especially as you go from the third stanza to the fourth, a presented last desire or farewell. Our lives are dotted in mistakes, but you are only brought to life again in someone's heart. Excellent work; I will forward to reading more!

[..]

Very well written, I really enjoyed this write

[mark slade]

Nicely written. Such great images pop into my head. Well doe.

[lei]

well written.

[AmandaN]

Wonderful I really think I 'get' this. I love the imagery in the first verse and the strong emotion that flows from the rest. Thanks.

[Emily B]

the words you write seem so familiar, it must be a kindred spirit

[Emily B]

did something change? the words seem the same as when i left them months ago