Rainy Day Out -part 1

A little short story about a woman and her man during a rainy day.

Charcters: 

-Paula Porter -AGE 24

-Richard Rhodes -AGE 28

-10:00AM in the City-

 

It was a rainy day.

A woman was lying in her bed, she had long wavy blonde hair and was covered in blankets. She was sleeping away peacefully, her arms and legs stretched out as she slept on her stomach, a bare slender leg sticking out of the bed sheets. Her small bed was inside of a very small and very messy room.

It was cluttered with various clothes all over with some lying on the floor, hanging out of an open closet and hanging off a chair in front of a table covered in various make up and a large vanity mirror. There was a window there with the shades drawn down with a faint tapping sound on the glass.

Suddenly, she awoke to the faint sound of footsteps outside of her bedroom door. Stumbling out of her bed, she threw on a pair of black track shorts and a large white men’s t-shirt with ‘New York’ written on the front she found hanging off her chair. After stretching her back a bit, she made her way outside into the little hallway with a loud yawn.

Her roommate’s bedroom was right beside her room, with the bathroom on the very end of the hallway and the kitchen/living room on the other end.

Walking barefoot into the kitchen, the blonde saw a coffee machine brewing then looked over at her roommate in the living room. Unlike her long wavy blonde hair, she had a bob of black hair. Her clothes were a black turtleneck and white formfitting jeans that emphasized her lovely legs. A defining piece to her outfit was a long silver necklace with a silver diamond shaped pendent hanging off the end resting at her front. Instead of relaxing on the comfortable love-seat sofa in the living room, she sat on one of the wooden kitchen chairs positioned in front of the open window watching the rain falling while drinking a cup of coffee, her bare feet resting on the windowsill. Her face was devoid of emotion while her eyes held a sense of disappointment in them.

“Morning, Jean…” She softly spoke, not pulling away her gaze from the rain.

“Morning, Paula.” Jean replied, looking at the clock hanging on the wall as she sat down on the couch. It read 10:09AM. “You’re up pretty early for a Saturday.”

“It’s not that early.”

“Did you sleep?”

“Not much.”

“Are you still mad about that band thing?”

“It’s not about that….”

“Then why are you up so early?”

“He’s coming over today.”

“Who is?”

Paula turned her head and stared at her for a bit. “My boyfriend.”

Jean was puzzled as she tried to piece things together in her mind.

“We talked about this.”

“Oh, yeah…” Jean thought about it, sipping her coffee as she nodded.

“You were gonna stay at a friend’s place this weekend.”

“Yes, I was…”

Today was the day Paula’s boyfriend was coming to the city to visit her for the long weekend. It was almost a month since they’ve seen each other, and Paula was looking forward to this day. Sadly, it was raining for the past couple of days, not only that but the forecast looked like it would continue into next week. Jean was the more outgoing girl, always running around meeting people and going to different places in and outside of the city. Paula was outgoing too but usually sticks to her usual places, the same stores, restaurants, clubs and such.  

“I have never met your boyfriend before, how long have you been together?”

“I met him seven months ago.”

“Have you guys done it yet?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Was it good?”

“Yes.”

“How many times?”

“Once.”

“Is he a man?” Jean joked.

“Very much.” Paula raised her eyebrows and smiled with annoyance.

“Does he like to screw?”

“Of course, he does.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Do you still like to screw?”

“Of course, I do.” Paula huffed.

“Good, good.” Jean chuckled.

The two girls sipped their coffees in unison as the rain kept falling, this was always a little thing Jean did with Paula; asking too many questions. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop. 

“How many dates have you two went on?”

“Four.”

“So, are you actually boyfriend-girlfriend or are you guys just going steady?”

“What’s the difference?” Paula raised an eyebrow.

“Did he ask you to be his girlfriend? Or vice versa?”

Paula just shrugged, slightly puzzled look. “Not really, we’ve just been seeing each other.”

“Ohhh…” Jean nodded. “So, you’re just going steady.”

“I don’t think that’s the right definition, Jean.”

“Maybe he’s seeing other girls on the side.”

“He’s not.”

“How do you know?”

“Because he told me.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Are you seeing anybody else?”

“Nope.”

“How come?”

“Cause I’m seeing him.”

“Do you like him?”

Paula thought about it for a bit then answered with a nod. “I like him.”   

The two girls sipped their coffees again.

“Any more questions?” Paula asked sarcastically.

Jean was sipping her coffee. “Give me a minute.” Then she thought for a moment. “How long did you wait?”

“The third date.”

“And that’s the only time?”

“We fool around a bit.” She shrugged. 

“Good, good… Just make sure to keep it down whenever I’m around.”

“Don’t worry, we won’t do anything when you’re here.” Paula rolled her eyes.   

“Oh, it’s perfectly fine, but just keep it down.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Because I gotta get my beauty sleep.” Jean dramatically laughed as she touched her pretty face.

“You always make noise when you have a boy around.” Paula complained.

Jean scoffed at this remark and stuck out her tongue at Paula, who in return opened her mouth a bit and poked the inside of her cheek with hers. It was a weird thing she does.

Suddenly, the door buzzer started buzzing about. Jean jumped up from the sofa and answered the little machine.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Richard.” Said a static voice.

“Richard?” 

“Richard.” The voice spoke harder.     

Jean looked over at Paula with a puzzled look, she nodded in return. Jean pressed the door button, giving off another buzzing sound for a few seconds then let go.

“Well! It seems Mister Paula Porter is already here!” Jean announced with a slightly mocking smile, swinging her hips a bit as she sipped her coffee.

“Please don’t call him that.” Paula groaned.

“Mistah. Paula. Portah.” Jean repeated slowly, smirking as she wiggled her hips.

“Shut-up.”

Paula stared at Jean for a bit, then after a minute her eyes began to glare as she tilted her head to one side a bit as she noticed what Jean was wearing.

“Is that Richard’s shirt?” She asked, more like accused.

“What?” Jean asked dumbfounded.

“That’s my boyfriend’s shirt!”

Jean looked down at the New York shirt.  

“Oh… It is?”

“He got it from New York.” Paula huffed.

“I can see that.”

“Why are you wearing it?”

“I guess I grabbed it from your room the other day.” Jean shrugged.

“Well hurry up and take it off!” Paula’s hands motioning erratically at her.

Jean held up her hands trying to calm her down. “Okay, okay.” She walked back to her room, getting out of sight of Paula but then popped back a minute later still wearing the shirt. “No! You know what happened? You left it there when you were trying on my clothes that one day!”

“Yeah, okay, whatever! Just take it off!”

Jean just laughed with a smile while holding her coffee. “I didn’t take it then!”    

“Whatever! Just take it off now!” Paula was frantic. 

“You’re suddenly full of energy.” Jean laughed.

“He’s gonna see you in it!”

“Relax! Relax, sweetie!” Jean laughed. “He’s not gonna see me.”

At that moment, the door clicked open from behind of Jean and Richard walked into the apartment with his big dark blue overcoat dripping water. He stared at Jean and the shirt she was wearing. Paula’s mouth dropped a bit as her eyes widened in embarrassment.

“Hello…?” He began, trying to remember her name.

“Jean.” She chuckled. “Hello, Richard.”

“Hello, Jean… Are you wearing my shirt?” He asked, eyebrows raised as he took in the sight of her, his eyes scanning her up and down.

“Yes, yes I am actually.” She answered bashfully then holds out her cup of coffee to him. “Coffee?”

Richard casually accepted the cup, looking into it puzzled as Jean looked back at Paula with a playful smile. Paula’s mouth closed shut and she shook her head with a red blush on her face and a powerful glare piercing back at the shameless blonde. Jean gave a quick wave at her and walked away to her room, slamming the door shut with Paula burying her face in her hands, hiding her embarrassment.   

Richard was a somewhat tall man with short combed back hair. He was wearing a white short sleeved buttoned shirt with a white t-shirt underneath, both tucked into his blue jeans. The kind of shoes he walked around in were short black cowboy boots. He threw his wet overcoat on a wall hook and walked towards the coffee maker, pouring himself a cup. Then he walked over and leaned in the door frame next to the hallway looking over at Paula.

“Hi, sweetheart.” He smiled casually.

Paula let out a single loud “Ha!” from behind her hands hunched over then stood straight up properly and looked at him while attempting a smile, a little red still on her lovely face. “Hello, babe.”

“Are you doing okay?” He asked, sipping his coffee.

“I’ve been better.”

“Was that you’re roommate?”

“Yes.”

“Is she always like that?”

“Yes.” Paula nodded with a forced smile.

“Fun, fun.” Richard sipped his coffee. “Good coffee.”

“Thank you. How have you been doing?”

“I’ve been fine, same as always, been working and such.”

“Good, good.”

“What about you? You seem so down today.”

“The rain is just so gloomy, it’s been like that for a few days now, y’know?”

“I’ve heard.” He nodded.

“Yeah, anyways, things have just been a little here and there lately…”

Paula kept gazing out the window into the rainy streets while she yammered on about various things, her parents, her sister, her opinions about her musical endeavors.

Richard was listening to Paula talk; then out of the corner of his eye he saw Jean silently walk out of her bedroom. He turned his head to see her walking out carrying his shirt in her hand still wearing her track shorts but leaving her upper body completely naked, showing off her bare breasts for a few seconds. She was smiling at him as she walked into Paula’s room, leaving the shirt on her bed. Jean walked back out and kept smiling at him while she slowly walked back into her room, silently closing the door behind her. He looked back at Paula, sipping his coffee.  

“So, what do you think?” Paula asked, still looking outside after unknowingly carrying a conversation with herself.

Richard, a man that was a little skilled at thinking on his feet, thought of a good reply.

“I think we should get out.” He said coolly.

Paula looked over at the man and studied him for a second, Richard was calm and collected as he stood there, leaning against the wall with the coffee mug held in his hand and pressed against his lips as he stared back. Just be calm and relax, he thought, she can’t read your thoughts.

Finally, Paula saw nothing wrong with his reply and sighed.

“Maybe we should…”

A small smile cracked on his lips; Richard was no fool. 

“So, what would you want to do first?” He asked.

“Well, at first I planned to go out with you and run around town…”

“Sounds good to me.”

“But it’s raining.”

“I got a car, bring a coat.” Richard shrugged. “You’ll be fine.”

“Can you get me Starbucks?” Paula perked up.

Richard groaned playfully. “I don’t like Starbucks that much.”

“I love it.”

“Come on.”

“I want it.”

Richard chuckled a bit and sipped his coffee. “Okay, let’s go get some Starbucks.”

Her face lit up a bit as she just hopped off her chair and closed the window. She pranced over to him and lightly kissed his cheek then tossed her coffee mug in the kitchen sink and clicked off the coffee machine.

Afterwards, she made her way into her bedroom.  Her bedroom was fairly neat and organized, a couple shirts were hanging off a chair. The furniture in her room was the same as Jean’s, a bed, a chair and a large vanity mirror sitting atop a table covered with makeup and various other beauty products.

Unlike Jean though, Paula had various CDs lying around and a little CD player on the floor, she also had a tambourine and a silver jazz flute lying about. There were also three movie posters on the walls. They were Brigitte Bardot’s Contempt, Anna Karina’s Made in U.S.A and Julie Andrew’s The Sound of Music. There were also pictures of Stevie Nicks and Bob Dylan taped on her vanity mirror.

Paula was that kind of girl.     

Paula went to her closet and grabbed her grey overcoat and a white handbag, as she was leaving her bedroom, she noticed Richard’s New York shirt on her bed. She stopped for a minute to ponder about it, then after coming to a conclusion in her mind she walked out towards her man standing at the doorway wearing his coat.   

“Did she walk around naked in front of you?” She asked bluntly.  

“Yes.”

   

~TO BE CONTINUED...

Author's Note

Inspired mainly by Bob Dylan music and Jean-Luc Godard films. The picture is from Masculin Féminin [1966].

Reviews

[JayG]

A couple points that hit me that I thought you might want to know.

Readers have expectations. Out-dent paragraphing, rather than indent is change for change-sake. So it serves only to make the reader frown as they ready to read the first line. That’s not something you want.

• It was a rainy day.

The single worse book opening in the history of writing begins, “It was a dark and stormy night."

Begin a story with a weather report and it’s an automatic rejection with nothing more read.

• A woman was lying in her bed, she had long wavy blonde hair and was covered in blankets.

If she’s not important enough to be more than, “A woman,” she’s not important enough to be a major player.

And, you’re making a major and basic error in presentation. You, a voice the reader can neither hear nor see, devoid of any emotion not suggested by punctuation, are telling the reader what they would see if they were watching a film—and doing it in the way you would write a report: “This happened…then that happened…she did this…she saw that…here’s some background material…and next…”

That “let me tell you about what happens,” approach is, I’m afraid, and instant rejection because the reader isn’t seeking to be informed as to what’s going on. That’s an informational goal and useful for nonfiction. Fiction readers want you to make THEM care, and feel, and literally experience the emotion that the protagonist is-feeling, in real-time, and from within the viewpoint of the protagonist. Have your computer read this aloud to hear how different what the reader gets is from what you hear as you read.

The techniques of fiction are not at all like those we’re taught in our school days. Those reports and essays we practiced were to ready us for the needs of future employers, who need us to write reports and essays, not stories. The skills of writing fiction are, like any other professional skill, learned in addition to out nonfiction writing skills.

A good place to find the help you need is the local library system’s fiction-writing section. Time spent there is time wisely invested. And while you’re there, seek the names Dwight Swain, Jack Bickham, or Debra Dixon on the spine of a book on fiction-writing technique. They’re gold.

For an idea of how different the skills of fiction are, you might check an article or two in my writing blog.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[MarkAndTheOcean]

Thanks for the read and advice!