Breakfast With Hunter S. Thompson And Marc Maron

A dream story.

Breakfast With Hunter S. Thompson And Marc Maron



Hunter S. Thompson came over to my apartment unannounced. He entered my room suddenly. I sat at my desk, printing a manuscript. I admired him as one admires an image of Jesus, Buddha, or Shiva, or some deity like that. The idol stood in his traditional garb: Visor, golden shades, a Hawaiian button up t-shirt, khaki slacks, and the notorious Dunhill hanging from off his lips. His air was jittery, pre-occupied with a million items yet, he was kind; he smiled at seeing me. We were good friends. We stood awkwardly in each others presence for a brief moment. I moved in for a hug. He thoroughly declined and instead offered his hand. We shook hands for a second. Hunter then guided me to my living room to sit for a chat.
"Got any uh-food in the place? He spoke a muffled rumble.
"Yea...how about some Lucky Charms?" I questioned half-heartedly.
"Absolutely. Delicious m***********s!" He rumbled enthused. He sat on my blue sofa and then began to snort some white powder he had poured onto the glass coffee table that rested in the center of the room. I moved into the kitchen to fetch some Lucky Charms when suddenly, I was surprised to see yet another unannounced visitor- Marc Maron.
"Hey man, is that Hunter in there?"
He questioned me in whispered excitement.
"...Yea, you should go talk to him."
"Sweet. Hey man, you think you could make me a bowl of those?" He asked with a sly grin, glancing at the bowl of Lucky Charms I had prepared for Hunter.
"...sure." I replied simply.
Hunter rose from the sofa he was seated to inspect this newcomer.
"Hey Hunter! Wow, huge fan. So great to meet you. I've got this copy of Fear And Loathing with me that I was wondering if you could sign?"
"Well how the hell you doin' to?" Hunter replied sarcastically, aggravated with the newcomer's initiation of conversation.
"Great man! Wow, so great to just be here in front of you. The Great Gonzo! You got the whole look and everything going on. Y'know, I've been thinking about sporting a look just like this for some time now." He spoke in a frenzy of thrill, completely oblivious to Hunter's cues' of resentment.
"My look? I've got a look now do I?! Is there something wrong with you?" Hunter snarled. I remained in the kitchen listening.
"Yea you got a look. You look so cool man. That's all I'm saying. And yea I'm fine man, well...I did throw out my back looking for my television remote a few days ago. The pain still lingers. But other than that, I'm great!"
I entered the room and set down the bowls in front of the two visitors. Removing the spoon that accompanied his bowl of cereal, and placing it on the coffee table, Hunter finished his bowl in one gulp.
"Delicious, thanks."
"No problem." I replied, glancing at the rage in his eyes.
"So you say you are having a back issue. I'm a chiropractor, let me help you with that pain." Hunter now stood with Marc.
"Sweet, thanks that'd be great." Marc replied with his back turned towards Hunter.
Hunter swung his right fist with full force to the back of Marc's head. Marc fell forward, and landed atop the glass table. Hunter began smashing his fists into the lower back of Marc. Marc then collapsed through the table with a crash. Blood began to run down Marc's pant legs. The blood pooled with the milk and cereal soaking in the carpet. Hunter swung left and right with great force, pulverizing Marc's body. Marc screamed out in horrendous pain. I watched, frozen in horror.
"Cover your f*****g face!" Hunter roared at me, outstretching his empty bowl towards me.
"...I think I'll just leave." I announced solemnly. The beating continued as I fled the apartment.