I fell asleep but never woke up

I fell asleep but never woke up

A Story by Mary Gatlin

The main character is waiting on death row and in those last few moment of life we see the events that took place leading him to such a cruel sentence.


   First thing you need to know about me is I’m not a bad man just a misunderstood man. I take long deep breaths trying to calm myself. Its not every day that you’re sitting on death row. What might I have done to deserve such a punishment? I’m still trying to figure that one out.

   It was a rainy day. The clouds hid whatever form of sunlight that there could be, the streets were bare no one dared go out because of the tremendous storm. I was sitting alone as I usually did but when I looked out the window there was a young girl. She was caught in the rain with no one there to help her. Despite the fact that everyone has told me never to go out in the streets because its not safe for people like me, I couldn’t leave her there to get wet she could get sick. And I’m sure her mama wouldn’t like that.

 I grab one of the umbrellas by the door. It was big and red with white stripes, it kinda looked like a candy cane to me. It was my favorite umbrella. As I walked towards her a light breeze passed through me sending chills all over my body. I rushed now, she must be freezing in this weather.
“Are you okay?” I ask her moving closer. But she doesn’t respond. It seems like she can’t breathe. She is wearing a green and blue scarf, I take her scarf off thinking it might be too tight. “Does it feel better now?” I ask. Still no response just a bunch of wheezing and gagging.

 I begin to panic. I’ve never been in a situation like this before, her arms start flailing around and she hits me. I drop my umbrella feeling the harshness of the rain drops and  grab hold of her trying to calm her down, I hold her the exact same way the nurses do whenever I panic. It suddenly begins to work she stops moving and her eyes start closing. She can’t fall asleep not in this rain. “Wake up.” I say. But nothing. I shake her a bit but she still won’t wake up. I shake her more now and with more strength. “Wake up!” I’m yelling in a panicked rage.

  I lay her on the cold cement. She remains there motionless. All I can do is stare. I grab my umbrella and hold it over. I don’t want her to get sick when she wakes up later. I stay there until a couple of police men come by. They ask me what I am doing and I say that the girl is sleeping. For some reason they didn’t believe me and tackled me. I yelled in pain, they handcuffed my hands. “I didn’t do anything wrong!” I yell over and over again. But they wouldn’t listen.

 The following days were spent in a courthouse. I didn’t quite fully understand what was going on but my lawyer told me that the little girl’s family were pressing charges and they wanted me dead. But I told him I did nothing wrong she was simply sleeping, he said they didn’t understand. He tried to argue that because of my mental deficiency it doesn’t count as man slaughter. I don’t find my mind incapable of thought. I’m thinking now aren’t I? It is just a bit different from everyone else.

 In the end you see I’m not a bad man, just a misunderstood man sitting on a white chair, in a white room waiting to go to sleep. A male nurse soon enters the room carrying a syringe. He looks at me with such pity in his eyes, but I did nothing wrong!  
I feel a sharp pain in arm, and I look down to see the last drop of the mysterious liquid go in. My eyes begin to feel heavy and a sharp and burning sensation fills my body. Its becoming hard to breathe, every breath I take feels like a knife being stabbed into me. I close my eyes but they soon become to hard to open again. I fell asleep and never woke up.

© 2012 Mary Gatlin

My Review

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I really enjoy reading stories written in this style, with this point of view. And you told it very well. I like how you don't come right out and say that the condemned man has strangled this poor girl. The implication lends an air of mystery and builds suspense. or maybe I am being presumptuos. Maybe it wasn't him after all?
You may want to watch making redundant, unnecessary statements like, "he handcuffed his hands." We obviously know that it was his hands that were cuffed.

Great story!

Posted 12 Years Ago

Hey! I enjoyed reading this story because it was from a unique point of view. The only thing that I need to tell you is that you have quite a number of run-ons. You should read through this story one more time to spot the mistakes and edit them.

I also think you should describe the events more fully, but it's all right the way it is. It adds more to the character of the narrator because it helps show his personality.

Great job. Keep writing!

Posted 12 Years Ago

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2 Reviews
Added on June 12, 2012
Last Updated on June 12, 2012
Tags: death row, unjust conviction