Fear in the Darkness

This is another poem I have written. It is in the poetic form villanelle. This poem is inspired by Sylvia Plath's "Mad Girl Love Song"

Alone in this world

The pungent smell of ignorance

When darkness begins to swirl

Disdained into emptiness

Locked in a closet of arrogance 

Alone in this world

Carried by the wind to be forgotten

Locked into solitary silence

When the darkness starts to swirl

Betrayed by the light of life

Unsteady and shaking, my fingers began to curl in suspense

Alone in this world

The lack of moisture in my mouth, as if it was cotton

All of this because of my mental defiance 

When the darkness starts to swirl

My soul trapped inside my body like a pearl

As I loose my grip of life, I unravel the last furl of my competence 

Alone in this world

When the darkness starts to swirl

Author's Note

Please, ignore grammar errors. What do you think of the dialogue?
Thanks,
-Matt

Reviews

[Riley Bray]

Very interesting poem, this one. I found it to be a bit of a step down compared to your first poem, since that clearly was in your element while this doesn't fit your criteria quite as well.The line, "The lack of moisture in my mouth, as if it was cotton," doesn't exactly make sense to me, because dryness and fluffiness generally aren't the same. Usually when a mouth feels like cotton, (think of cotton candy, for example, as I say this), it makes it hard to swallow because your saliva gets sticky and, in simple terms, is basically constricting you. (Thus the term cotton-mouthed. Also, cottonmouth is generally a characteristic to explain a drug addict, and is also a type of snake. Venomous snake, I believe).

[Matt Millsaps]

Thank you very much for your review! This was my first draft and first attempt at as villanelle style. I struggled very much to make this work, but I still do not feel wholesomely satisfied with it. The line, "The lack of moisture in my mouth, as if it was cotton," was meant to describe the dryness of the person's mouth. Like you stated, as if the mouth was sticking and constricting to itself. I greatly appreciate all your comments!

[Riley Bray]

Ah, I see. And a piece of advice? If you have to struggle with what you're writing, trash it. A truly good article of literature must come up from your soul and flow through your fingertips out onto the blank white page before you. You'll find that the poems you don't force are the best ones. ;)

[Matt Millsaps]

Thank you very much. However I was forced to right this, as an assignment for my Composition class. But, I definitely agree with you. as "Withering Flower" was born out of pure desire. So, the difference in quality is remarkably obvious. Thank you very much for your comments!

[Riley Bray]

No problem!

[patricia]

I like the voice you use in this, and the emotions that come through. It has intellectual overtones and conveys a thought provoking theme. Enjoyed.

[Penlight]

Wow....so brutal in its delivery, and therein lies its brilliance. Bravo!

[carol burgess romance]

I can feel the depths of dispair ....slipping into madness. To me cotton is a fitting word here...cotton wool is dry, heavy thick....so it does this line justice.

[Jack...]

Very nice and very sad. At times most of us feel this way. It is when we become accustomed to the darkness that worry should set in. Thank you for sharing this with me.

[trainwreck]

Nice flow here! This was easy to read and really got the mind going. Thank you for sharing.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Love "Mad Girl Love Song"...this was quite good actually. You've managed to use a lot of beautiful and unique imagery in this. "My soul trapped inside my body like a pearl"--great line. I also like the way that you ended the piece because it reminds me of Plath's death...alone in the world as the darkness swirls. Sad, mornful and beautiful at the same time.

[Matt Millsaps]

I am so glad that you picked up on the ending! Those emotions are exactly what I was trying to convey!

[minnie:)]

this is a very well written poem, the words and the meaning are great, i loved it! :)

[Matt Millsaps]

Thanks!

[Mason Rayburn]

Seems to be something about dying or going insane. That was my take on it. I can definitely agree that the thought of losing one's grip on reality is a scary thing.

[Matt Millsaps]

You actually picked up on both! It is ultimately about going insane, due to dying alone in a cold and dark place! I am so glad you could enjoy it!

[Mason Rayburn]

Dark stuff just like I used to write. Seems like everyone understands it. Or perhaps it's more that they simply know that it's there.

[KeeD]

I love the structure and the content of the poem. Very well penned, I haven't heard the song but I can appreciate it by knowing it it inspired this poem it must be a good song. I like the metaphors you've used. Indeed an awesome write.

[Matt Millsaps]

Thank you very much! I greatly appreciate your kind words!

[Just Kim]

Deep and profound, Love this, found it intriguing

[Matt Millsaps]

Thank you very much!