Amelia

I did this for school. This is about Amelia from realm 3 i was restricted when writing it to 800 words i may do a better version later.

 

Amelia crept quietly along the roof. She knew that this was the most dangerous part. Returning home. Amelia was a young girl of 17 her hair cut short to the length of a boy. But it was a ragged cut as if someone or Amelia herself had just hacked it off with the dagger that hung at her side. Her hair was blond and but stained with dirt and her clothes were ragged suddenly she froze.

“These way men find that thief. I want you to search every alleyway and roof I don’t care how you get to the roof just do it. This was it they were looking for her. Amelia slowly started to walk to the opposite side of the roof when she saw a hand grab the top edge. She froze pleading she wouldn’t be seen for a few moments the man that had pulled himself onto the roof didn’t see her but her luck didn’t last for the man saw the silhouette of the girl dressed in the clothes of a boy  and he started forward. Amelia realising jumped forward and pushed him off the roof and then ran jumping from roof to roof occasionally she would slip but she never fell. She could hear the shouts as people followed her now and then they would scream and a second later she would hear the thump of a body hitting the ground but she never looked back. Finally Amelia lost them and when she entered the old abandoned building she fell asleep almost immediately.

 

“AMELIA!” this couldn’t be good Amelia thought as Cameron called her name again. The rage in his voice was clear but despite it Amelia picked up her pace. The abandoned Building was really anything but abandoned really it held all those that were forced to live on the streets because they don’t have money or like Amelia no parents from a young age. Everyone had to things in common however. All were outcast no one would or had taken them in. Secondly they all needed money to live. “AMELIA!!!”

“Yes Cameron?” Amelia said when she got there. Cameron was facing the other way. He swung round to face her. He stood there for a moment then struck her across the face with such force she fell to the ground.

“you stole from  lord Renier’s house last night” he said his voice menacingly low “you stole half of the profit we were going to make next week in the deal” he hit her again. Amelia’s head was now spinning it took her a moment to figure out what the deal was then she remembered. Cameron was going to pose as a rich merchant who needed just a little more gold to buy a new and very rare fabric so he wanted a rich house to ‘invest’ so he could get it with the money. Then the thieves would flee. Amelia hadn’t known it was going to be lord Reniers house though. Cameron continued to hit her relentlessly, again and again Cameron’s fist found some part of her body giving her another bruise.

“I'll fix it. I will, I will, I'll fix it” Amelia pleaded as blows continued to rain down on her “please stop!” suddenly the pendant around her neck the only thing she had left of her mother’s glowed faintly And Amelia felt a little stronger... and braver Amelia peeked out through her arms covering her face. It seemed everything was moving slower. She grabbed Cameron’s wrists and shoved him back gently. He went stumbling several meters before falling to the ground Amelia didn’t stop to think about her new found strength and ran.

 

Amelia spent the rest of the day sliding the very tip of her dagger into coin pouches of passersby and catching whatever fell out into her hand waiting unseen by others below. Finally she had enough for what she wanted and headed off to the house of a particular scribes house who was a friend of hers.

 

“Amelia! I have done it just finished before you knocked on the door it is a perfect forged note!”

“Thank you Dirnal. Does it include the name of the countess Vamina Trelk?”

“Yes” Dirnal replied “it’s exactly what you wanted” Amelia then thanked him and paid. Tonight she would be busy.

 

Amelia smiled to herself as Cameron concluded his deal with Lord Reiner. The day after Amelia had visited her friend Dirnal Word had spread through the city that lord Reinal had woken to find gold and  a note signed by the countess Vamina Trelk herself saying that the theft had been a test from the very new faction of security testers. A group that would randomly steal a small amount from someone to test their security.

 

Author's Note

To be honest with you all I'm not going to edit this. it was a short story for school and I was restricted to 800 words... Short story's are not my strong suit. check out Amelia Extended Version a book here on WC which I will edit

UPLOADED NOW-AMELIA EXTENDED VERSION

Reviews

[Yui Tarsis]

While reading I noticed that: "She froze pleading she wouldn’t be seen for a few moments the man that had pulled himself onto the roof didn’t see her but her luck didn’t last for the man saw the silhouette of the girl dressed in the clothes of a boy and he started forward." was a run-on sentence. There were a few of these, but I'm pretty sure they'd already been put on. Otherwise, it was very good! Nice work!

[Matthew Ian Herrawood W]

Thanks for the review

[miguelbovine]

I wouldnt change the part about her hacking off her her

[stellasautelle]

Good stuff

[Y.]

I'd love to see the expanded version of this, it has promise. :)

[Ashley.M.E]

You shouldn't have made it in italics, it might add affects, but someone like me... might had problems reading it. There were a couple of spots that I had to reread to have it make since, but this is pretty good

[Katie]

It's pretty good and I would definitely say that I like it. I think that revising it and switching some of the sentences around would help make it flow a lot more smoothly. Also, you may want to use some more punctuation to help separate the body of the sentence from its clauses.

[snapstache]

Ok I'll start with the first paragraph
When it says "as if someone or amelia herself had hacked it off with the dagger that hung at amelia's side" instead of using the last amelia in that sentence just use her
I have to go so I've come back to review the rest.
*.*

[Amy]

ok not your best but its good for a short pice enough action that it keeps up the pace but explaned enough for it to make sence great write