Humanity Is At It's Finest.

When did single become a death sentence?

Who would've thought a heart could be so sharp?

Time was ticking,

and you were counting down.

Licking w****s.

Making your way around.

In the depths of desire,

emotions set on fire.

The world shifted.

Your heart changed.

Sanity danced,

on the brink of insane.

Darkness closed in.

By the light we were shunned.

What once was a game,

no longer was fun.

I held it.

But you fired the gun.

Beautiful blood poured from my head.

You didn't kiss me good night,

when you put me on my death bed.

"forever.."

You LIED.

This shadow of murder

is called suicide.

Reviews

[Devons]

This is like 'the last post' in the battle between monogamy and polygamy. It seems to me to show the transition from youth to maturity, naivete to experience..
"What once was a game,
no longer was fun.
I held it.
But you fired the gun."
..Subtle and forceful lines, which reflect the concept of playing and over-stepping the mark. To the point where it hurts. And then the difference is learned. But if the game is big enough, the realisation of its danger is a lesson which is learned too late, and can end fatally - metaphorical or otherwise.
There is a bitter brutality in the words and imagery of this poem that has a profound effect. And the conclusion is dramatic in this way..
""forever.."
You LIED.
This shadow of murder
is called suicide."
These last two lines are proverbial. We do it to ourselves...with the help of others..
Powerful piece of work.

[HappyTaylor]

Oh wow! This is one of the best I've read in a LONG time. "Sanity danced on the brink of insane" That and, "You didn't kiss me goodnight, when you put me on my death bed." Those were my favorite lines.

[Love Is Dead]

this was intense.You did an cool job."In the depths of desire,
emotions set on fire." i love this line..beautiful. :)

[emily joe]

I like this a lot. But i do think "licking w****s" doesn't go with the poem. It might mean something to you, but for me it was just thrown in there. It was harsh, when your other words were meaningful, and had depth. I think you could say what you need to say in a way that makes the poem flow more nicely. Nevertheless, this was great. Excellent work!

[Amber Betty Marie Child..]

Infuckingtense!!!

[Bard Constantine]

Whispers of a scorned and murdered heart. I enjoy the metaphorical language you use to build your imagery. The image of assisted suicide speaks of how we sometimes steer ourselves to the end of a relationship... but it's still the other person who 'kills' us. Powerful, raw, and wonderful.

[.]

"forever.."
You LIED!!!

This shadow of murder
is called suicide."

...i love this...
the entire poem is articulated with such an intense mood-
...I Love It!!!

james:-)

[smashley]

This poem is amazing. I love it.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very powerful poem. You started with strong lines and made the story stronger with each additional line. The anger and disappointment was described with great skill. The ending was violence and sad. Last line made the poem complete. No wasted words and this poem is outstanding.
Coyote