Jan 7, 2006

Now I fight my flesh day and night… fighting to keep my heart open and forgiving to love.  There is not a person in this world that can heal this pain.  Only haunting me with good memories in my mind, this brings me to one of the many mysterious dilemmas we face.  Why is it we always focus on the good (God) we still get hurt.  With only good memories I dwell on, the suffering inside burns and singes my heart even more.  First of all, we were never promised with the extinction of pain, but only comfort and strength to endure it.  This is a moment in my life I would like to call a fraction of a Jesus moment.  A Jesus moment because of the torment and suffering he endured along with all followers of Christ… a fraction (by calculation) due to the minute amount of suffering we go through when compared to that of Jesus.  These wonderful memories are hovering over me like a black cloud - not necessarily meaning they are bad �" but it is the black cloud of pain we all are so unwilling to bare.  It is our fate to carry the cross, but not only through the face of pain, but death itself.  This meaning not allowing bitterness, hate, anger, resentment, nor regrets to grow in me… I must face this hurtful God given emotion known as love… and I must face it with open arms and a smile on my face.  In return allowing God to grow into this vessel of human form and reshape it to His desire.

 

I do not believe there is such a thing as emotional scars.  A deep cut on our arm would more than likely create a scar.  We all know scars do not heal.  It is our flesh that is weak and unable to heal a scar but depending on our heart, we can be strong.  These heartaches from the probable cause of losing a loved one whether through death or a breakup, we have created a name for them… emotional scars.  They are only the regret and sympathy from others we crave and hold onto so dearly.  Regret can plant ungodly seeds such as depression.  Depression turns into anger… anger turns into hate.  It’s a downward spiral into a cataclysmic heart.  Sympathy is nothing but an anchor for a speed boat.  Like a rocket with no fuel, you can’t sore high with the burdens of sympathy. There is a healing for these emotional sufferings… no longer called scars.  It’s an all knowing, God given ability this world is oh so deprived of… called forgiveness.  When in contact with the Holy Spirit and strong within it, there are no regrets.  Forgiveness comes from the heart.

 

Constantly knowing I will always possess the opportunity of following the easier path… but with that option comes leaving this pain behind.  As if it never existed, but it does, it is in the now.  I have no regrets of what I’ve done… I don’t regret falling in love again… I don’t regret being hurt.  If I did, I would regret a miraculous gift from God Himself.  Knowing God and His love… I have been given a strong and forgiving heart willing to make sacrifices for Him and strength to breakthrough any evil barrier within my path.  A world without pain is a world without discipline… and without discipline there are no consequences… and without consequences we are in chaos.