Nov 12, 2012

In only a matter of hours I feel all hope is giving away all over me.  In the midst of doing everything I can to focus on You, including reading Your word, I can find nothing positive to write about.  To not allow this writing to sprint forth with progression without Your presence, there will be no limitations or barriers.  If I cannot communicate in the presence of another person what other option is there?!  Where are You?!  I have fought off previous temptations that from my history, used to be repeated without conscience.  What am I doing wrong?!  A sense of rage began looming earlier, followed by memories and resentment.  I cannot keep myself busy enough to bury the emotions, nor find any comfort in the presence of people.  Then at the very least allow me the honor of being alone in Your presence.  To even force a smile feels fraudulent.  My Holy Spirit is running without fuel.  There is little left to be pulled from me, if You plan on filling that hole, I beg You to do it soon.  If my flesh were equal to my spirit, I would attempt surgery on myself, even without the experience, the outcome could potentially be to my benefit or for that matter worth a try.  Unfortunately, I cannot fix my spirit without You.  My pleads are simple, share me Your love.  Only a strand of faith amid all this doom and gloom, it is all that remains unshattered.  Oh the joy of bleeding with words.  Please destroy my wants and replace them with Your needs for me.