Sep 25, 2014

    I am tired of holding a nail with one hand and driving it with a hammer in the other hand.  What separates me from those shouting judgement and crucifixion to an innocent besides two thousand years?!  It was once I, who was driven with anger and jealousy upon sitting firm in the foundation of my understanding that I built with insufficient truth.  To judge others is to secretly rob them of their integrity.  Without Jesus, I was like a hand with no thumb.  Such a hand is not familiar with a gentle grip, but is much more affective and potent at striking.  I am worn out from scourging... it has only lead me back to own eminent defeat.  
    If Christ died for only His followers, that would turn his unconditional love, to a limited conditional love.  Does Jesus need to be sacrificed again and again for every new generation to believe?  Such an encroaching event would put my faith on the chopping block.  Jesus did not willfully force His love on anyone's free will (except maybe Saul).  Why should we force His message?!  Anyone could patch a cross onto their combat uniform and perform genocide in the name of Christ.  We are to have love, joy, peace, humility, generosity, and purity.  Those are many of His gifts that do not come so natural.  Gifts that come natural the closer we get to Christ.  There are some gifts that may require a deep gash, but it is Love used as that weapon against our nature, and it is Love that is used as our stitches.  Once this discipline is accepted, there are no scars.  
    Jesus did not put on a magic show while He was physically with us.  He was healing the sick and raising the dead.  If you expect a play from God... there will be no dance.  Another unanswered prayer?  No answer from God?  If we could get what we want when we think we need it... would we not just use God for our own unknown "advancement?"
    Life falters below mediocre through my insubordination.  I am tired of fighting my purpose.  Those memories still remain plastered throughout my mind.  They are becoming opaque reminders to the constant state of vulnerability I am consistently surrounded by on a daily basis.  Realizing it maybe just that time to begin the practice of self-seeking abnegation.  After all, it is just Him who desires me.
    I am tired of taking charge of my life through this world's approval.  What kind of society do we live in where we are the ones to decide the boundaries of morality?  Our morals are clashing from generation to generation.  What wisdom does this world behold?!  Everyone thinks they know they are right, and to prove it, most resort to violence and/or anger.  My actions came from the source of societies claims of knowledge.
     I walked with this world's definition of love.  I did just try.  I gave it my best with the utmost kindness.  I even kept up with it's fast pace and without a fear of commitment.  It was all a giant loop that led me back to myself but with a change of scenery with every new lap.  All I sacrificed was my time and as it turns out, it was all about me and not just physically.  This world's dramatic view of love is a glistening tree of hope without roots.  It is equivalent to living in an extravagant hotel without service.  If you want something, you serve yourself.  Foolish me for following a foolish world.  It has produced nothing but grief and it has yet to prove itself otherwise.  I am done with it.