Conclusion

    This will be the concluding blog.  I will attempt to sum up everything that has been written.  I am not sure of what my future holds.  I am both confident in it and welcome it, as long as God remains my source.  I am just a simple person attempting to live a joyous life with little desire to carve out my niche in this world.  Just as any Christian who wants to live a simple life, His plans may change our little carvings into massive miracles and that only by Him is anything possible.  Though not all anxieties or weaknesses have made their exit.  He truly has used my weaknesses for His glory.  These writings have been my stories and experiences I wish to share.  There were always someone there to vent to, but anxieties wouldn't allow it.  
    After my ordeal in 2005, I expected my struggles were over, causing me to lower my guard.  I began to walk that path best described by CS Lewis, "Indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one--the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts."  I only expected my further writing to be simply written behind the lines.  I thought I would be shouting strategy from where no such mortar had the distance to reach me.  I couldn't have miscalculated a more damaging projectile.  There were always quite a few answers to my questions I had written years before my more recent struggles progressed.  They were of little help due to my struggles being a similar case of déjà vu.  God simply just had me regurgitate the words from those older writings, only to have me re-chew them again.  Meaning, I could not just talk about them, but had to walk in them.  God has been my peace in a war that is being fought without morals.
    Circumstances will be unique, but pain is universal.  My turmoils may appear tedious and light, but it was enough to cripple the hope I had and it threw my soul onto a God-seeking binge.  Those binges were not without excruciating confusion, persistent patience, isolating loneliness, uncontrollable hate, and delirious desires to justify what I thought I wanted and needed.  Perhaps confidence to overcome specific hell-bent challenges unbeknown to me, were struggles God left out from my original manufacturing.  Some may consider me a big baby, I will not argue that.  The sooner I began to declassify myself a victim, the sooner a rebuilding project began.  The pain was always a rope of faith dropped directly from Heaven.  I just had to climb it to find God to give it to Him. God has been the heat-sink to my unthrottled fury.
    There is so much more He has for me, that even my dreams were never efficient enough to accommodate His will for me.  He had to stretch those dreams, and to stretch those dreams, He had to awaken my humanity by any means necessary to rejuvenate His love back to life to an unbridled heart.  Why hold onto pain when we can just give it to Him?  Or least let Him use it to glorify His growth in us.
    By the grace of God, I had demanding questions I once asked that have converted from, "O' Lord, why have you forsaken me?!"  To, "I just asked You WHAT?!"  Opinions I once had about current world affairs that remained unchangeable, have been scrambled.  What is the point when there is the possibility of the truth being fondled to further a potential agenda?  Hope in Christ has been a life altering mixture, slowly sifting through doubt and into the Truth.  I can safely safe with pure honesty, that my historical horrors currently carry no weight on my shoulders.  There is presently no such thing as regret, it has all lead me closer to God.  I still don't know everything, but I don't need to know everything.
    Never has there been a more clear canvas to freedom, than when it is painted with faith.  All of this joy... for simply believing in Christ.
    I have realized that if a homeless man can laugh and an abused person can smile, that the cards we are dealt... even at our worst hand is better than a fold. And that with the forgiveness and solace we are offered as a choice... the demons we carry, are just as vulnerable as we are.  I do believe we, as humans, can never and will never be able to comprehend His true unconditional love.  Therefore, giving us our own free will to attempt to seek it.  We can only use our free will to open our hearts to Him.  It will forever reign true, that God is Love.
    Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

    There is no better way to implode hate, to decimate evil, than the gift of Love.

    Onward for His inevitable victory.