Waiting Room Wonderings

Written for a contest.

  Here I am again. This always takes forever. You would think that showing up 15 minutes early would help the situation. I guess I will look at this for a while. I hope nobody notices that I flip through this thing backwards. I have always done it that way.

 

  Should I read this article on Tom Cruz? What is up with that Scientology anyway? It seems so weird to me. Sheila at work said that they basically take a bunch of your money in dues and crap and that you have to pay for all of these so-called cleansings.

 

  Here is an article on some Bosnian Botanist. I wonder what this is about. Hmm, he did a study on orchids. Oh I love orchids. They are so interesting. I love that movie I saw about orchids. Well, I guess it wasn’t really all about orchids. Was that Meryl Streep in that movie? I am so bad with names. I do remember she did really good at acting all weird and high off of that powder stuff that they got out of those flowers. Oh and I loved the part when she was trying to make the sound of the dial tone on the phone and then had the guy make a sound at the same time and it truly did sound like it. I am sure that it was enhanced for the movie.  

 

  Speaking of Meryl, there she is. She still looks good. That was her in that movie. I wonder how much plastic surgery she has had to look that good. She is such a good actress.

 

  What time is it?   This magazine is boring. I am going to get a new one.

 

  It is getting so crowded in here. Why do they tell you a time and then tell so many other people the same time?  I guess it is so if anyone cancels, they will still make their money. But then they charge you if you cancel, so that is not quite fair either.

 

  “Which of the five eagle feathers is different?” Well, I would look pretty silly looking at a Highlights magazine while I sit here without a kid. I will just borrow that cute kid over there. Her mom is too busy on the phone to notice. Lol.

 

  Ha ha! I cannot believe I have finally sunk to thinking in text. What is happening to my brain? I never used to say ‘laugh out loud’. It is not like it was intended to be a part of conversation. It literally meant that you were laughing out loud. Now we say it like it is normal.

 

    No, I do not want to look at a Sports Illustrated. Totally boring! Although… what is ‘curling’? Oh, it is an Olympic sport. It says it right there. That really did not explain it but I am not picking up that magazine. Why couldn’t it have just had an article about basketball on the front of it so that I wouldn’t be so curious?

 

  Find something else that is so interesting that I will forget all about it. I can always google later if I still am curious when I get home. Or maybe Marty will know. I’ll ask him.

 

  Some of this is just pure smut.

 

 “How to lose 20 pounds in 15 days.” Yea right like I am going to stick to that.  

 

 “How to please your man in the kitchen and the bedroom.” Don’t need that!

 

 “How to protect yourself in a dark alley.” Duh! Don’t go into a dark alley. Hello!

 

  Here is a People. I can usually find good articles in that.

 

  O.K. do not trip on the cute little girl on the way back to your seat. Oh yuck. Please do not put that in your mouth sweetheart. Should I say something to her mom? Oh good, she saw her. No, of course don’t put your phone down lady. Uhh! I knew that she was going to try to pick her up with one arm and scare me to death.

 

  Just sit down and mind your own business. Everything will be alright. She stopped her from eating the play phone that has been chewed on by about a million kids didn’t she?

 

   Well, I take that back. She almost stopped her. Of course with only one arm you can’t pick a child up and remove a toy at the same time.

 

  O.k. I am going to read this magazine and mind my own business now.   What time is it? 2:57. Great. I have been here for an hour (actually over an hour because I got here early).

 

   Magazine. Focus on a distraction. Yes I am starting at the end again. I wonder if anyone else reads magazines backwards?

 

  Wow. I didn't know that Charles Barkley could do that.  Wasn’t he the guy that……?

 

  “Mrs. Love.”

 

  Oh. Finally! Now I get to go back and wait in the next room for another hour. That is usually what happens. Oh man, I should have brought my magazine with me.

 

  Maybe they will have a sports illustrated in there. I have got to remember to google that curling thing. I should have just read that article when I had the chance.

 

 

Author's Note

I had to write a story using these rules. I chose group two.
Basically here is the gist... your job is to write a story... a cohesive story... with the nonsensical elements from one of the two groups below. Do not cross elements from the two groups and you must use every item. The story can be any genre.

Group 1.
Chinese Acrobat
Public restroom
ice pick
Nintendo Wii
A small cult
the sentence "Put that down, you'll put Carl Rove's eye out" and it cannot be referring to the ice pick.
table tennis

Group 2.
Bosnian Botanist
dark alley
five eagle feathers
basketball
Scientology
The sentence, "I didn't know that Charles Barkley could do that." and it cannot have to do with basketball.
curling (the olympic sport)

Remember although this is supposed to make sense it does not have to be serious. Have fun with this people, I'm looking forward to all of the creative adaptations.
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I hope you enjoy reading it!
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If anyone is interested in a fun way to learn more about the sport curling, watch
the movie 'Men With Brooms'. It was very imformative and slightly funny too.

Reviews

[Rain]

I think you've won, already. It was a "perfect" depiction of how the human mind functions in boring, frustrating times. It was perfect. Nothing seemed forced, everything you talked about came naturally. The mind, my nature, leaps around. I love it! Rain..

[jmt8921]

This story was really cute. I also read magazines backwards, depending on what type of magazine it is anyway. I didn't notice any awkward sentences, or anything like that. It seems put together well, and it managed to keep my interest all the way through, even though there wasn't a "real" plot. It reminds me of my own mind and random thoughts, which I guess is something good literature's supposed to do! Good job on being amazing!

[Kara Hadley]

well, you used all the topics flawlessly. usually when people have to do that it seems so forced, but not here.
this is a good read.

[Ice Queen of the Vampir..]

Wow, this is a really nice piece and you did a great job using those elements. Ha, this story sounds like me when I'm waiting in the doc's office. lol Fabulous write and good luck in the contest!!!

Heather

[apocalypse_wower]

it really is interesting to see what two people can come up with based on the same set of rules. i liked this one. it reminds me of the thoughts i go through when i'm waiting in the doctor's office. the LOL thing cracked me up.

[Brenda Sue]

Very well written. You have done a excellent job writing a good story with group 2. Good Luck.

[Raef C. Boylan]

This is a great style of story, very very true to life. With the given rules, it could have ended up completely nonsensical, but you've cleverly used internal dialogue to transform this into an interesting read. It's human and believable; the meandering mind, the imagined interactions with people, the waiting around system...

Excellent work. This deserves to come high in the contest.
It's an entertaining read and provoked a bit of thought around serveral of the topics that your narrator muses on.

Thanks for posting this. Good luck.

p.s.
"Oh, it is an Olympic sport. It sais it right there" (sais = says?)