Lesson Learned

A grandmother and her young grandson walk on the beach like any other day but a valuable lesson is to be learned after a candy wrapper is tossed.

She walked along the beach, her bare toes squishing in the sand, the white blouse she had thrown over her lavender tank top that morning billowing in the salty breeze.

"Slow down, Benji, Gran can't keep up."  Olive Tammen hollered after her young grandson.

The six-year-old tow-head pitched a pebble into the lapping waters surrounding his ankles and giggled.  His sparkling blue eyes were as deep as the ocean.  Grabbing a nearby seashell, he cocked his head, listening to the roars, echoes and funny hollow noises.  He tossed the shell into the waves.  Frowning, he knit his pale blonde brows together; the shell had traveled just a few inches.

"I don't have big muscles, Gran," Benji pouted.

"Your Daddy didn't either when he was your age but as he got bigger, he got stronger and his muscles got bigger and stronger too."

The explanation seemed to satisfy the child and he scampered off down the beach, Gran trailing behind.

A few moments later, the boy halted and crouched to his knees.  "Look, Gran, look!"  He pointed toward a slow moving turtle.

"Isn't nature amazing, Benji?"  She beamed as she gazed at her pride and joy.

"Uh, huh."  Benji stared in wonder at the creature as he pulled a chocolate candy bar from the pocket of his striped shorts.  Devouring the morsel, he licked his fingers and threw the empty wrapper to the ground.

"Oh, no, young man!" Gran scolded.  "We don't do such things!"

"Why not?  The ocean will just wash it away."  He shrugged his thin shoulders.

"It's not good for the environment.  What if everyone threw their trash in the ocean or in the street or on the ground?  Our earth would be pretty yucky, wouldn't it?"

Benji hung his head.  "I never thought of that."  He retrieved the wrapper and shoved it back into his pocket.  "I'll throw it in the trash can when we get back to your house."

She tousled his hair and he was off again.

A few feet away, he picked up an old-fashioned, ornate bottle and waved it over his head.  "Look, Gran, more trash!"  He jumped up and down with excitement.

Catching up with her grandson, she looked closely at the object.  "Looks like there's a piece of paper inside."

"More trash?"  Struggling to remove the cork from the bottle's neck, Benji slipped the paper from its glass home.

He sounded out the words on the message, still unsure of his newly discovered reading abilities.

PLEASE RECYCLE

Benji looked at his grandmother with wide, wondering eyes.

"That means that we, or someone else, can turn that bottle into something different.  We don't just have to throw it away."

"And I don't have to be big or have big muscles to keep our earth from being yucky, do I, Gran?"  Benji puffed out his chest, handed over the bottle and skipped off in search or more trash.

Author's Note

Please give an overall review on this short children's story. Thank you!

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Amazing tale told in the story.
"And I don't have to be big or have big muscles to keep our earth from being yucky, do I, Gran?" Benji puffed out his chest, handed over the bottle and skipped off in search or more trash."
I like the location, conversation and the good ending. The words above. Are true. Thank you Melissa for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[MelissaAndres]

Thank you.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Melissa.

[Mister T.]

It'd be great if anyone know this.. unfortunately, not everyone does. Again, good job on the realistic and natural dialogue. Maybe try and write longer stories - or a book. :)

[MelissaAndres]

Mister T. Thank you for reading and commenting. And, it would be nice if everyone could learn this lesson too. I have many, many short stories and three novels I have written posted here on Writer's Cafe. You are more than welcome to read and critique anytime you like. Thanks so much!

[TL Boehm]

here is my random thought dear. And you may want to do some external research on this. the dialogue is spot on. You definitely have a knack for dialogue and letting the characters tell the story through their interaction rather than the narrator moving the story and that is very good.
What age group are you targeting? I wonder if the story might be stronger for a young child if you cut the adjectives especially if this is going to be illustrated - you could do it without diluting the story. I personally love lush descriptions but for a child - try starting with "Benjies grandma walked along the beach" - then omit the color of her shirt - hair color - eye color - and things like Chocolate candy - use one or the other. I suggest this because your poet voice is at odds with your child dialogue a bit and I am hearing it. A child would like hearing this at the level of the dialogue - but might be thrown out of the story when the adult narrator voice comes in if that makes sense. Simply try it it and if it makes you break out in hives - put everything back in. I just hear Benji at the front and center and want him to drive the whole thing. Read it out loud and if I'm a nut job - shoot me. Especially that last paragraph where Benji is all little boy. I want the whole story strong like that from his eyes. Good job.

[MelissaAndres]

Thank you, TL. I really wasn't planning on having this published or illustrated. It's just a little story I wrote. I do appreciate your critique and suggestions. I will have to play around with it and see what I can do with it. No need to shoot you! You are offering very good advice. Thanks so much! :)

[TL Boehm]

I do a lot of that kind of writing too. Just writing because I had an idea and I take it no further. And that is totally fine. Then there are other things that I write and I think "hey, maybe I should work on it a little more." Don't know if you've heard of Jerry Jenkins? I had the opportunity to have him edit a first page for me as part of an on line workshop. I really thought I picked a solid thing. (WRONG) He shredded it. There was so much red on it, it looked like a butcher block. Sigh. I adore adjectives and wow. They were the first things to go. I still get stubborn about them because I do adore them but now as I write - I look at those and see if maybe I can trim there. The deal with this story you've written is that Benji is very believable.

[MelissaAndres]

Thank you, TL. Critiques and advice can only help me get better. As long as someone isn't mean about it, just to be mean (and I have had that before) then I cherish another writer's comments. Not everything we write can be extraordinary, unfortunately. But when we listen we learn.

[A. Amos]

I the moral of the story... We need to be more serious about taking care of our planet...enjoyed the read!

[MelissaAndres]

So true, A. Amos! I am glad you enjoyed this!

[wordman]

well it seems he was taught well !

[MelissaAndres]

Yes. I hope future generations can learn this lesson too.

[ANTO]

Of course an 80 pound fine helps keep the Earth tidy too - here in Belfast. No muscles needed to pay that just a great big dollop of humble...
Nicely told Melissa. :)

[MelissaAndres]

Thank you, Anto. I actually just got on to my grandson on Sunday for trying to throw a candy wrapper out of the car window. He sees his parents do it and thinks it's okay. Nope.

[Samuel Dickens]

Hopefully, Benji will remember the lesson and be a good steward of the earth for all of his days. Mankind hasn't had a very good record on that.

[MelissaAndres]

Yes, I hope Benji will too. I must admit that I don't always do a good job of remembering either!