God, I'm So Sorry

Entered into a creative communication contest. Tell me what you think please?

I turn to look out above me;

the wind is surrounding me, my view is skewed,

My body is losing all brewing feuds.

My stomach is knotting,

I kid you not, my blood is clotting.

My fingers are shaking,

I pray it's just the earth quaking.

God, I'm so sorry.

I bid you good day, just curse this damned body.

They said Hell was either black or fiery rings,

are they sure it's not white and wings?

I thought devils were evil,

searching to taste my storming peril.

Why is there an angel,

is it acting? Devils coming from a new angle?

God, I'm so sorry.

I thought you wouldn't allow me access,

but I guess life is just a contemplating process.

I'm regretting this now, you're chanting a spell,

shouting rejection: "I bid this child to a life in Hell!"

These are not angels I follow,

but devils I swallowed.

Author's Note

Tell me what you think please.
Photo cred: Sadao Turner/Ryan Seacrest Productions

Reviews

[WillaDanvers]

The desperation portrayed is incredible! You have talent to be able to pour such an emotion into writing. Keep this up my friend! :)

[Melody]

Wow! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

[Gregory Stires]

i like how the poems flows naturally and the desperation you portrayed the narrator felt. i like how you put in devils acting like angels and stuff because those kinds of things aren't black and white but it is kinda of like the saying that darkness does not always equate to evil as light does not always equate to goodness.

[Melody]

Thank you.

[Vian]

I liked your work. I liked the desperation you portrayed. I could imagine a brows furrowed, confused kind of look on you(narrator's) face as these words are said. Definitely meant to be spoken aloud, it flows. Thank you for writing.

[Melody]

Thank you so much. :)

[Ken Leonard]

I like this - it builds stanza by stanza like an Eminem rap - in fact it has that kind of rhythm. I also like the way you throw in the ambiguity of Devils acting like Angels and vica versa - life is a lot like that and it is hard to when you find out that the Angel you thought you were courting turns out to be a Devil - and the worst disappointment is with yourself, for being taken in so easily. "These are not Angels I follow, but Devils I swallowed" powerful ending!

[Melody]

Thank you! I hope to enter it into the Amy Lowell Scholarship contest when I'm a senior (2 more years! Yay!) I probably won't pursue a literature focused career, but it's fun and it help my sanity stay just a bit more stable than it was the minute before. I'm glad to hear (well,read) that my rhythm is like Eminem's. I admire his old stuff, I haven't caught up with his new stuff, but I do enjoy Mockingbird and Lose Yourself.

[Melody]

Sorry, I babble.