Hope

Room with no windows

Walls without doors

She danced

A beacon of light

Reviews

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

I am half and half on having the picture at the beginning of this piece. I don’t like it there because I think it takes away from the imagination of the reader in what they can get out of the piece and instead places that specific image as the result of the piece. On the flip side, I like the photo simply because of the way that the light plays on the woman’s face which directly correlates to the piece.

As for the piece itself, I enjoy it. At first, I was not a huge fan of the length – not that I have anything against a few lines for a poem – it just seemed a little cut off at the end. The more and more I read it; however, I enjoy how short it is – how it forces your reader to make it for themselves and create the poem itself within our heads. This woman in the poem, I see her as her inner source. By that I mean, since there is no way outside of a darken place, whether real or inside her own head/heart, she creates her own happiness and uses her inner light to create beauty where there is only darkness. A sign of hope against all odds which ties greatly into the title.

[Meraki]

I could cry right now how spot on you were. Thank you so much you made my day just now.

[Clouded in Hopeful Illusions of False Delusions]

Oh, it was my pleasure!

[R. L. Hill]

You understand that I am a fan of quick poetry. These four lines are very well penned. The final line is a bit jarring which I appreciate, honestly. It brings my mind to focus directly which is a unique experience. I gain the whole picture by reading all four, but the final imprints into my mind as the key phrase to ponder. No windows. No doors. Dance. Beacon of light. How is she such a beacon? It makes you ponder the deeper aspects of inner light. A lot of meaning captured in a few lines, hun. I admire it ^^ Reminds me of someone I know.... ;D

[Meraki]

Hahaha yes, love you did inspire this. It's why I wanted you to read it so bad. Such kind words they mean a lot to me :')

[R. L. Hill]

I feel pride creeping in when you say that I inspired a little quip like this. I would hope to inspire more so thank you. I think you did it justice. I would love to see more of these little gems from you in the future

[Meraki]

Yay! I'd be happy to oblige :D

[Sophie McN]

I really like this!! the beginning is quite grim and eerie because you feel trapped with no way to get out but then theres a girl dancing so you think, is she happy? or is she just pretending shes happy? I kind of got the feelings she was drunk or taking drugs. theres so many possibilites with it because its left ambiguous. short and sweet!

[Meraki]

I'm glad you liked it :)

[John Smith]

When dealing with a poem that's length is so finite, incredible attention must be paid to the most minute of details. With that in mind, I can concur that you have done a remarkable job of presenting immeasurable depth in such a confining format. The sparse nature of the poem (coupled with its message), presents and ominously empty void to the reader; therein only a shimmer of hope remains. This invokes feelings of anguish, loss and personal emptiness made more strongly felt by the frailty of the hope in which it abides. Splendid job.

This being said, as a writer, work on any piece is never fully completed. Knowing this, there are a couple of points which you may wish to consider. First, the picture may be effective for some, however I found it rather distracting. My thoughts on the matter are the text is what is importance, and the lack of a picture conveys the emptiness portrayed in the text. Secondly (and this is entirely up to you), a comma can be placed to add a pause in the reading; forcing the reader to think on something. I wouldn’t go crazy, but if I was to recommend one, I’d put one after “danced.” The on issue with text that I actually had was minor, being I stumbled with the first line “Room with no doors.” It doesn’t need to be (and probably shouldn’t) make perfect grammatical sense, but the lines:

“Room with no windows
walls without doors”

Could be replaced with

“Room without windows
Walls with no door(s)”

It rolls off the tongue a bit easier (also consider making doors singular).


In hindsight, the poem is exceptional. Very well done.

~Zarkoff

[Meraki]

Thank you! There's always room for improvement I'll make changes.

[William Evictus]

Short and sweet
easy to remember
i like it :D

[Meraki]

Really? Oh that took a weight off. I've never written a poem so short, I was afraid it needed more details.