A Poem by Mockingbird

squinting through the fog
blinding thoughts beat down
on this rain-pelt windshield
fractalled from days of hail.

gunpowder flashes
freeze faces on rear view lobes
streaked by sheets on panes
distorting lanes outside
a fragile frame.

razor whispers rasp their mockery
between the crash of cymbals
pealing and careening
til the slingshot alarm
rives the silence
of a midnight smoke.

clouds abound in the absence of a rustle
and the world is sheathed in a vinyl sleeve.



       where was i?

© 2014 Mockingbird

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love that third stanza, this is so good, such vivid imagery

Posted 1 Month Ago

A unique piece, enjoyed the read.

Posted 6 Years Ago

It is stunning how you crystallize this moment.

"razor whispers rasp their mockery" - quick alliteration communed with a defining metaphor

brilliant and interpretive.

100 blurring rain drops

Posted 6 Years Ago

A shocking piece that fills the mind with imagery, feeling and a passion to read on, well done, good read.

Posted 6 Years Ago

this poem is hard to review for personal reasons...
it's something I experienced on acid, and it has painful imagery
un-lodging things in my subconscious mind
but I think I'm experienced enough to deal with such things
I find this piece interesting, because if you let yourself
you become one with the car and the experience
and all the senses
so the fact that the subconscious mind is a bridge to
the universal, in the context of the eccentric
it means your poetry and your mind are functioning optimally
I sense trauma here
whether you experienced it or channeled it
I commend you for expressing it as you did

Posted 7 Years Ago

Shmoke-Sifted Heftlander

7 Years Ago

awwww..miss you too..been in solitude for a while..but it seems to work for me/like-mindeds..glad to.. read more
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
very chaotic poem- but that's good- i know that's your main intent

and the last three lines seem real clever to me- in all this chaos, even the narrator forgot things too- and that's a very believable reaction

Posted 7 Years Ago

very deep and dark ..good job

Posted 7 Years Ago

Very well done, a great read. Good vocab and exspansive imagery. My favorite line has to be "and the world is sheathed in a vinyl sleeve". Great job

Posted 7 Years Ago

Awesome vocabulary. I love the imagery, sometimes it is hard to see where we were, we just go on through the fog, I love this, it's so true.

Posted 7 Years Ago

Its very hard to see where we are going sometimes, a lot of the time we can only drive on blindly, I get your point and nicely put.

Posted 7 Years Ago

0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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17 Reviews
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on February 24, 2012
Last Updated on March 14, 2014




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