Life's Great Epiphany

Creative Nonfiction

Don't you wish that music in prose meant more than it does? That the flow of spoken words didn't belie the message below?
I'm sitting, thinking about my upcoming appointment and imagining terms like "advanced stage" and "inoperable," and wishing they meant something else, like higher theater and beyond conveyance through mere opera. I hear a watch and a clock ticking and wish they were metronomes clicking in-synch. They become insufferable once I notice they are a dissonance to my own heart beating in my neck and ears. Then I begin to worry that my inner beat keeper might play an untimely rest, and never return to that universal harmony.
While I'm sitting here I imagine men like myself dwelling, through the ages, on those final moments. I fancy an old fox hunter and gentleman in his study wondering what it was all about, rethinking the quality of his love. I'm wishing that the person I love (though there are many), that she was with me, understanding.
Finally, I'm expecting that every man before me has come to this epiphany, at the realization of his death, that that was what it was all about.

Author's Note

I would give anything right now.

Reviews

[Starfruitanimal]

im wondering if you mean living the last of your life thinking about your regrets? there are so many with in us.. your words were well written

[de_maruf]

hmm

[Pax]

well i guess Marie is right.. for every one has something to celebrate or commemorate with, just different in each situation we are in... for i think its part of life... to spice it up somehow...

a thought-provoking write!

[Epipsychologist]

Thank you. I was more musing that Death may be Life's great epiphany.

[Pax]

your most welcome my friend.... hmmm you made me think.. would mind explaining it furder why Death may be Life's great epiphany?

[Epipsychologist]

It's just a notion, but lately I've been considering that perhaps, as theirs fails and the more concrete mental constructs (like memories, symbols/language, and even identifiable sensations) fail, perhaps we are reduced to emotion. Perhaps existing just means experiencing things emotionally and our cognitive abilities enable use to interpret the emotions produced by the immediate universe. If this is the case then dying would mean something like a return to undirected, uninterpreted emotion (which may be a kind of energy, literally) and a kind of discovery of what life actually I'd by removing all the misgivings that mental constructs necessarily entail. Perhaps epiphany is the wrong word, but something like it.

[Pax]

well if you have experience all the emotions and that your content already then i say dying in peace is good...but dying at an early age seems imcomplete for me...that's what i get in your response..

[Epipsychologist]

Oh yeah. I see experiencing all of the emotions at once (fear, happiness, depression, anger, etc.) as something discontenting, but I also think just experiencing that from the perspective of death would make it something you aren't actively disliking or trying to change, you'd just experience it. And yes, this idea would imply that living is very important and that our accomplishments matter, given that life is basically the opportunity to effect change.

[Marie]

We all each ephianies, some great some small. And not just oce but many times. They must be part of an evaluated life.