A Long Night

This is a rather angsty poem about being broken.

I don't want the lights on tonight -

I just don't want to see the different things

I surround myself with, day after day,

Trying to hide myself in the middle of the room.

It's material, and dumb, and I know it's wrong.

But it helps me forget that I'm dumb and alone.

When all you see is what's gone wrong -

Outside of yourself, you can fix it.

You can look around, make a list,

Buy the parts, make it like new again.

But when you see what's wrong inside -

That you yourself are broken,

You can't buy new parts for that,

All you got is what's already broken.

And it's angsty, and dumb, and I know it's wrong.

But it helps remember that I'm broken and gone.

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

An honest write...and I think a good skeleton of what could be a great poem. I think we all struggle with "fixing" ourselves from time to time. It takes a while, but eventually, you realize that the tools you needs to "fix your insides" are with you all along, inside of you as well. You have the strenth to be the author of your own fate. The only suggestions I have would be word choice...try to avoid repeating the same words, like "dumb", unless you are doing it extremely deliberately. Also, pear down the number of words as much as possible, take out the unnecessaries. Again, you're on your way and I quite enjoyed the read! :)

[Cookie]

Thank you for the helpful advice! I'll keep it in mind for sure. :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

No problem...you have a budding talent! :)

[SyberRose]

I enjoyed reading ...you did a good job expressing your emotions and I think you should keep
writing...Rose

[Sami Khalil]

"But when you see what's wrong inside -
That you yourself are broken,
You can't buy new parts for that,
All you got is what's already broken."
An honest and relatable write...:)

[TheLastThingYouSee]

A wonderfully honest piece :)

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Cy

To use my own words in my novel 'Split' on here, when it comes to mental anguish, and not to the tangible things in the world we can more or less easily fix, the only useful comments I can make is akin to yours: '"We have no broken bones that heal."

But broken hearts and lives can be mended. I assure you, That is what Split is about. that form of recovery just takes rather longer than fixing a watch with new working parts.

Well written.

With my kindest regards

James

[Cookie]

Thank you for your encouraging the idea that we CAN be fixed. That is an uplifting thought. :)

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Cy

My 'job', my 'role', I feel in life and maybe it should be part of all of us, is to uplift, to encourage, to help improve.

if I drop, for dropping's sake, I will have failed myslef, you and us all.

I may seem quaintly conventional and British at times but read my Mr Hyde, in 'Mania', the other side of my bipolar persona.

Theerin you will see wider more harshly expressed but nonetheless valid views of life, despite their crudity: I detest users and self-satisfied b******s.

Never ever hurt unless you want it back, full in the face. Empathise rather.

With all due respect

Dr Jekyll cum James Hanna-Magill

[.......]

I really enjoyed this piece, i agree it's a honest piece, that is what makes it great

[Michael Kevin Spencer]

This is very honest, and honest rights make for some of the more touching lyrics in our language. We speak english, but you've spoken about the fragility of our kind and it is good!