Still Haven’t Figured It Out

I still haven’t figured it out at 25

As the stubble on my chin sprouts innumerably;

As time ticks; and the clock runs apace;

As my guts makes an acquaintance with fear;

And risks become too alluring to allure;

 

I still haven’t figured it out…

 

Why fairy tale paeans are sung for red roses?

But blue they say is the warmest color;

 

I still haven’t figured it out…

 

Why I lie to my youth of myself;

And lie to myself of my youth.

 

Why I feel like I am drowning in a cesspool of indecisiveness,

But crave the adrenaline thrill it gives me.

 

Why I want success so bad,

I keep clear of failure;

Locked up in the trapped doors of jitters and doubts,

Sipping the rum of belligerent supposition,

As I wait around for a divine hand to pull me from my delirium.

 

I still haven’t figured it out…

 

The possibility…the shimmering possibility,

That I am but a grain of nothingness;

And that when all is said and done,

I would remain as such.

 

I still haven’t figured it out…

 

If what I need is what needs me…

 

Or maybe I have…and I'm just 25 years too young to see.   

Author's Note

My state of mind.

Reviews

[M]

This is very relatable..
"If what I need is what needs me", this is powerful indeed.

[Mifa]

Thanks for Phoebe. My favorite line from the poem.

[Alice Poésy]

I got chills reading this. This is such a mutual feeling that I feel like you just stared into my brain.

I don't think we'll ever figure it out, you know? Just like cryptic words, I think it's what we make of them, what we make of things; never a wrong way, never a right way. Nevertheless, I also think we can never stop thinking whether our interpretation is wrong or right. We'll always keep wondering. And maybe this way is the way to "crack" life. Or maybe it's not.

I love the images you chose and the way you played with words, it's extremely clever! Good job, Mifa :)

[Mifa]

I got chills writing it. It mirrored my mental state and every single word made me cringe. I agree, I don't think we'll ever figure it out; but more so, I could say, I don't think we were ever meant to do so.

Thanks a lot for your review and kind words and you might not know this, but you kinda just wrote a poem through your comments, spanning the entire second paragraph. You could put it up in stanza and title it using the first six words in the first sentence...

Just a thought though. Thanks again.

[Alice Poésy]

Indeed! Some mysteries are better left mysteries.

I hadn't noticed, haha! Hmm, I'll write it down, maybe I'll elaborate on it further some time :)

[Mifa]

I hope you do. Would be looking forward to reading such a piece.

[BlueHiraeth]

Its very relatable, very nice words used.

[Mifa]

Thanks a lot for reading.