Impurities

Impurities

A Poem by Rain

 

Escape this world that has yet to see light

A life filled with meaningless lies

Mens vision clouded with greed

Impurity.

 

The once healed scars are again, open

Red roses bloom from suffering

Laughing at our idiocy

Mockingly.

 

Ignore the pleads of countless ghosts

Just delve into the heart quickly

Cross into a vibrant place

Hell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

© 2010 Rain


Author's Note

Rain
do you get wat I'm trying to say?
lol, havent written a poem before....




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Reviews

you're briefly touching upon whats wrong with Man.

by the way, that first line is gold. pulls you into the whole train of thought happening. great flow and structure. and i like that you described hell as vibrant. seems counterintuitive but it makes perfect sense. People live absentmindely nowadays, giving into sins so easily as if Hell is where they Want to end up. good poem


Posted 9 Years Ago


Mm, I like the contrast between the roses and their mocking of the speaker. I'm guessing this is about a bitter romance, from that. 'Ignoring the pleads of countless ghosts' reads to me like the people who have warned the speaker against this romance, but he/she has 'delved' in anyway. 'Hell' just clarifies that this person is walking into a doomed relationship. Very well done for a first poem!

Posted 9 Years Ago


i cant say that i get what you are trying to say but that is not altogether important. this is a great poem. it has a very smooth flow, very easy to read. keep up the good work!

Posted 9 Years Ago


interesting structure and word play.. curiously pleasing outcome..

Posted 9 Years Ago


One Word. WHOA! You are incredible! I haven't read writing that has touched me like this before and I've been here for a year and a reader for 15 years. My goodness, You're incredible! I love your writing! Send me as many read requests as you want!

Posted 10 Years Ago


I love this stanza:
"Ignore the pleads of countless ghosts
Just delve into the heart quickly
Cross into a vibrant place
Hell."

Really good!
I love the poem!

Posted 10 Years Ago


"The once healed scars are again, open
Red roses bloom from suffering
Laughing at our idiocy
Mockingly."

This stanza was good. The poem was a little confusing though. But I liked it. It's good for your first poem :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


I don't think i've ever heard hell described as vibrant, this was certainly a different take on life than some i've heard here. I'm not sure if i get what you are trying to say but you said it with such excellent rhythm that i'd like to read it over again anyway. Keep it up.

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on September 1, 2010
Last Updated on September 1, 2010

Author

Rain
Rain

Australia



About
Name: Rain --inactive as of 7/7-- -- Read Requests are now CLOSED -- *If you want me to review a book, if I enjoy it, i'll review the whole thing, if I don't I'll gladly review the 1st chapter. :.. more..

Writing
Chp 1 -- Confession Chp 1 -- Confession

A Chapter by Rain


Chp 2 -- Names Chp 2 -- Names

A Chapter by Rain



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