How To Save Earth

WHAT ARE WE WILLING TO GIVE UP?

How To Save Earth

(Dirt and other such silly things)

Don't you just get tired of hearing people gripe and complain about the condition of our planet, global warming and what not? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for it. I enjoy seeing folks get involved with something they are passionate about.

Now that word passion is a tricky thing. There are degrees of passion from  warm to burning like hellfire coals. There are doers, and then...well, people that don't do stuff.

Let's begin now on how we, uh,errr, I mean YOU... You, because, well, I won't be around long enough to see any of this happen; HOW are YOU going to save the planet?

That's a pretty good question, don't you think?

But before starting, however, ask yourself this very important question.

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO GIVE UP?

Yikes, that's a tough one...right.

Hold on there a bit Miss Nelly.

Before you build that new mall over the wetlands of Galveston Beach, think for a moment.

Do we really need more shopping malls?

Hmm.

Seriously though folks, WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO GIVE UP?

I know! Let's start with OIL.

I know you Greenies, and environmentalist, or whatever you call yourselves these day, would love that.

I love you guys.

You make me smile, giggle, stomp and get mad, and sometimes even make me think.

I joke about this, but seriously, you are good people. We need you folks looking out for things.

There are a lot of things we could do better to help our planet, I'm just not sure you want to hear them.

So, let's start with oil, and all petroleum based products.

Step one; we outlaw all such things made of or consisting of a petroleum base, or has any trace of petroleum in its make up..

No more oil means no more organic based fuels (like rotting dinosaur flesh) for our fancy cars.

Let's think about that for a minute.

How in the world are we going to jump into our gasoline burning monstrosities, drive to the airport, jump on our private jet, and head off to our next Environmental Protection Summit meeting?

See our dilemma here?

"But wait!" you say, "what about electric cars? Aren't they about 99 percent pure clean energy?"

Hmm, maybe.

Did you know most electric cars run on Lithium ion batteries?

Did you know, like oil, there is a limited supply of Lithium on this planet?

OOpps, I think I see a lithium shortage somewhere in here.

What happens to a lithium battery once it has been depleted and rendered useless?

Is there an even greater dilemma here?

Things just keep getting worser and more worser.

Yes, I know, that's incorrect use of the English language, and my wife would scold me severely for it, but, hey, cut me some slack here, would ya'?

Oh, by the way, getting back to our petroleum thing, did you know the tires on which your electric car rides are made of a petroleum based product?

Since petroleum is no longer being produced, you know, because of the outlawing thing we did earlier...,means no tires for your Prius all electric car.

What are we to do?

And what about all that plastic that make up your cars interior.

Did you know plastic is indestructible?

That's right! A million years from now the plastic that forms your dashboard will still be hanging around somewhere.

Did you know there is not a place on this good earth where you can go and not find some form of human created plastic?

I know that's true because I saw it on Nova, and we all know, Nova (produced by PBS) is never wrong.

Just today I threw away a giant plastic container of Tide Laundry detergent. It was empty, of course, or, at least, I hope it was.

I wonder where that will end up.

Let's take a look at where we are in terms of saving our Earth.

No more oil or petroleum products; check.

No more plastics; check

No more lithium batteries because we've used up all the lithium; check.

Now, it seems, we have an energy crisis on our hands.

BUT WAIT!!!

We still have wind energy and solar energy, don't we.

Sadly, the answer is no.

You see, without the production of petroleum and plastics, non of this other stuff works.

Electric motors require oil for lubrication, and other stuff.

Do you see where we are going here?

Let's get down to the real nuts and bolts of this whole thing.

If you want to save the planet, if you really want to stop global warming..., think back.

Remember earlier I asked you, what are you willing to give up.

Your answer should have been EVERYTHING, if you are really sincere in your quest..

In order to slow down, not stop, but slow down global warming, all human life must cease to exist.

Not only that, but all organic life, including lions, tigers, and bears, oh my!.

Well, they burp and fart too, don't they.

And what about those little amoebae thingies that go around unseen.

Yep, everything's gotta' go.

But wait, there's more!!

Would wiping out all biological creatures actually end global warming.

I don't really know. It might slow it down, but end it, I'm not so sure.

Think of earth as a giant round ball of frozen turkey breast.

Take it and put it on a rotisserie over a big barbecue grill and let it rotate a few days.

Won't that turkey breast eventually thaw and then, in a few days, be burnt to a crisp?

I wonder, isn't earth nothing but a ball of turkey breast waiting to be scorched.

Gosh, now I'm hungry for a turkey sandwich.

I don't believe man was intended to live on this planet forever. We'll do our time, just as the dinosaurs did, and then be gone. Earth will probably look a lot like Mars.

That's just my opinion, and geez, I'm just like the rest of you.

What do I know anyway?

Have a great day, and don't stare at the sun, you'll go blind.

Author's Note

Well, that was fun. Just in case you're wondering, this has been my attempt at satire. It really was fun.

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

I agree with Einstein Noodle. Good points and ones that need solutions.

[Sami Khalil]

"You see, without the production of petroleum and plastics, non of this other stuff works.

Electric motors require oil for lubrication, and other stuff."

[Sami Khalil]

This was amazing in many ways. You tell the truth like it is and raise many good questions to be answered. I think we can have a balance by using what we need while working on inventions that can be better down the line and in the meantime plant more and more trees to balance our concrete jungles. Unless people can become nomads like the old days or like the Amish, then it is hard to talk about these pertinent and important issues. I read somewhere that Norway is becoming very green with other Baltic countries. I have to recheck. I love how you balance the argument and give us the options.
You are wise indeed.

[Sami Khalil]

"Let's take a look at where we are in terms of saving our Earth.

No more oil or petroleum products; check.

No more plastics; check

No more lithium batteries because we've used up all the lithium; check.


Now, it seems, we have an energy crisis on our hands."

[Einstein Noodle]

the passion of global alarmists on the far Left make the problems that are real less likely to be taken seriously ... its not so much the production and use of petroleum products ..its the disposal of them ... in a landfill (necessary) buried under tons and tons of rubble ... covered then with some rock and topsoil .. we have a usable space as the "dump" is moved to another (necessary) site ... i lead a Neighborhood Watch in the very rural Ozark Mountains .. we have two roads on which no one lives .. we recently filled three pickup trucks with multiple tires, several porcelain toilets, a water heater, TV, 5X10 old real estate signs ... well ... you get the picture ... all that trash dumped irresponsibly in the forests of our "hood" ... now its in the trash where it belongs and we will have an annual cleanup day each year ... so much damage done to creatures of earth, sky and water because of our recklessness ...i find satire difficult to achieve me self ..i think you point out the irony of passion and hypocrisy very well ...your piece is most certainly satirical in spots ... i am personally not sold on the "Climate Change" theories ... funny how Global Warming got to be Climate Change eh!? ... couldn't be sold it seems ... thanks for the forum to have this discussion a bit ... battery powered cars are also re-charged using a plug into the grid .. which power is generated by what?????? you nailed it sir ... gas, oil, or nukes ... ;}
E.

[emmajoy]

I was so ready to have a go at you when i read that title! Knew from the past that you, sir, know only too well how to lay words with witty emphasis and sound knowledge. So, i read... and read.. read some more, wanting to argue, needing - as ever, to disagree, stamp my feet, throw a few toys out of my pram.. but, d****t, i couldn't because, well - because you've obviously thought about and considered - this important and vital factory and lab' made stuff that makes a helluva lot of cash for mere mortals.

Meantime, maybe we should compare our planet to a child. And, what should we GIVE a child from the moment it presents itself in order for him-her to flourish? GIVE being the word.. ..

[Norman 223]

This was not only most enjoyable on a humorous level,, but it also contained a lot of logical argument. As one who also uses satire to air my grievances, you have justified my belief that this approach can encourage healthy consideration on serious arguments. Laughter is the best medicine and medicine is intended to cure.

[Beccy]

Really enjoyed this, and I can very much relate, as in a previous life, (my third or fourth reincarnation,) I can't quite remember, I was most concerned to find that the albedo was significantly lower than it ought to have been. This despite much exhortation to the Dinosaur proletariat to cease munching on the vegetation, or global warming was sure to follow.

Unfortunately, but as one might expect, not a single Diplodocus, Stegosaurus or Triceratops, took any notice of the dire warnings and continued selfishly chomping apace, and in double quick time the accelerative effect of this proved to be their nemesis.

Deja vu, perhaps. :))

Oh yes, and as for electric cars, methinks that perhaps the first Law of Thermodynamics has been rather overlooked on that score.

Beccy.

[Norman 223]

This satirical approach to the problems of the universe is now becoming infectious. Welcome to our "infirmary" Beccy.
Norman