My Baby, My Girl

No where near finished yet

Pain, intense, fiery, shooting pain. Sweat dripping from places I didn't know possible. Hair clung messy to the side of my face, arms tensed as I held gripping tightly on to my mid-wife's hand. "No, no, no" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I wanted this to be over. My breath left before it was regained, "Anglia" I breathed. "For god sake! Anglia, just get it out, get it out! Get it out!" I lashed out tossing and turning. My face turned as red as a ripe tomatoes. "Come on, hold on" She spoke softly, "We're almost there now, just one more push." I used all the strength I had left as I pushed, cried, sobbed and breathed. 

I heard that screaming, screaming that couldn't possibly be real. Yet it was real. "Tia, sweet heart, you've got a little girl."

"Oh my, oh" I murmured in short quick breaths as I was passed this beautiful baby girl. "She can't be mine" I said through tears. 

"She is"

"No, you don't understand. I can't, I can't keep her" I sobbed through a shinning smile as I store at my beautiful baby girl. 

"Why can't you?"

"Anglia, you know why" I looked at her refraining from crying and she knew, she knew. 

"I was suspicious, but, but he-"

"But, I didn't tell him" I looked back down to my gorgeous baby who lay asleep in my arms. "Aliyah, that's her name Aliyah"

"She can't, I mean she needs to stay with you"

"And risk Owen finding out? Anglia he's your son, you know better than I do he's not ready for this"

"Okay, okay. I'll sort something" She pulled out her phone then rushed off to make a call. 

I was left here, seemingly alone with my little girl. "I love you" I began to say, "I will always love you no matter what happens Mummy has always loved you. Will always love you" I held her close to my body and gave her all the love I could give in those few moments. A nurse came over, took her off of me and into a crib beside my bed. 

"Could I have some paper?" I asked quietly.

"Yes one second." She was back in no time with paper and a pen.

26th April 2013

My Baby Girl, 

I'm sorry, 

I know it doesn't sound good enough, but I am, truly sorry. I love you and despite what you may think what I am doing is the best thing for you. I love you so much, but you wouldn't lead a good life with me. Your Father, he doesn't even know. I'm sorry for that. I should of told him, but I can't- Look at me, your barely an hour old and I'm already telling you all this- He's just not old enough in himself to have a wonderful, beautiful daughter like you. 

My Aliyah, -that's your name Aliyah- I want to be a good Mummy for you, but I know I can't. I haven't even got a house for us, or anything. I still live with my parents. 

Whoever you got to, they'll give you everything you need a good life, a loving family, a place to call your home. There won't be a day that passes where yo'll ever feel lonely, you'll have everything you need. 

It's completely up to whoever your new Mum and Dad are but I hope you get to see this letter. So that you know I have always loved you, nothing will ever stop that, there won't be a day that passes that'll stop thinking about you. As long as your happy my darling, I will be happy. 

Lots of love your Mummy, 

                                                  Tia Smith 

Author's Note

Ignore grammar and spelling errors please :)