Beast Pantoum

Your metal cage rattles
from the snarl in your throat
I kick at your door
when you snap at my feet

From the snarl in your throat
your brindle hairs crawl forward
When you snap at my feet
your chest heaves on the floor

Your brindle hairs crawl forward
near the scruff of your neck
Your chest heaves on the floor
from the bellow of your bark

Near the scruff of your neck
are the stains of man's blood
from the bellow of your bark
where your jaws sank in

The stains of man's blood
a fleshy rot on your breath
where your jaws sank in
to their thrashing bodies

A fleshy rot on your breath
when you snap at my feet
to their thrashing bodies
rattling your metal cage.

Reviews

[DavidRyanM]

Wow. Yeah. I'm going to say that real quick and re-read it before I type on. Hold up.....Okay. I've never written in this form before. Never really seen much of it either so this piece kind of confused me at first. My first reaction was to say you repeated yourself too much in the first two lines and, as I continued reading, I realized what was going on and knew right away I would have to give it a second go. All structure aside, the poem itself is dark and gritty and sharp. The writing serves the story and the story serves the writing. This one might be my favorite purely based on the feeling I got while reading it the first time and the second time as well.

[Robin]

this is one of the best pieces i have read using this form , very good writing

[KL]

Damnit. I just wrote up an indepth review and the page backed up and I lost it. Basically just said I loved it, and that this is the most inventive poetic formatting I've seen on this site to date, and its effectiveness is incredible. I interpreted this as trying to get through to someone who is both isolated mentally and emotionally and angry at the world, someone who is hiding behind walls. The formatting says 'what goes around comes around,' which is all too true for people who shut themselves out from anything else, inherently making things worse instead of taking down the walls and making things better. I'd like to hear the real basis behind this poem if you could send me a message! Into the library this goes!