The Edge

The Edge

A Story by Speak in Silence

I'm standing on the edge.  I inhale in the cold air, sending shock waves through my body. This has gone on for way too long. I reach it my pocket and find the letter he wrote me. The paper is soft, and torn in the middle. I used to sit and pore over his reassuring words that kept me breathing a million times over. Now he's not here to keep air in my lungs. My eyes go directly to the third  paragraph. I'm slowly suffocating as I read his words:

"I will love you always, you will be in my heart forever. My life would be a living hell without you. You saved me. You will always be my baby girl, always and forever."


I whisper "I love you always" for no one to hear. A stray tear rolls down my face, stinging as it hits the lifeless stone.  All I hear is his voice. I fall to my knees, covering my ears. His words haunt me.


No I have to do this. I wipe the tears off my face, and grab the crumpled piece of blank paper and black pen from my pocket. I use the rock as my surface and start to scribe my convinced death note:


"Baby don't try to blame yourself for what I'm about to do, I have been considering this for a long time. When you left I read your letter everyday for 7 months. I want you to take you letter back, it's torn and warn out but I want you to have it. And I never thanked you for taking care of me, thank you. You gave me strength to get through everyday, I guess it must have ran out.  I have tried to take care of your heart but I guess that's not my job anymore, I didn't deserve to have it anyways. This world will never be the way it should. I'm sorry for what I'm about to do to you, but don't use your tears up on me. Save them for when you will really need them. Be strong and always remember that I will love you always and forever.


I fold the sheet up and shove it in my right pocket with the pen. I pick up his letter up off the ground and try to flatten it as best as I can. I put it in my left coat pocket. I stand up as a chilling breeze threatens to knock me off my feet.


I take my jacket off and walk towards the old oak. "They will find it here" I think as I place it carefully on the bare tree limb. I remember when we used to come here on those warm summer nights. Sit and watch the sun set behind the clouds. We would laugh and sing and talk about those little things in life. I felt a smile on my face, first one in 7 months. This time it wasn't fake. My smile faded as I remembered that those moments would never happen again. "Snap out of it" I assert to myself.

The icy, winter air bites at my stripped skin. I walk back over to the edge. I look down into the dark overcast. "Well at least It will be peaceful on the way down, just me and my thoughts." I think to myself.


"Goodbye Mom, Dad, Shelby, Katelyn, Davey, Grant, thank you for everything you have done for me." I disclose under my breath.


I exhale the last air from my lungs, and prepare myself. I loosen my muscles.


"So is this how you cope with me leaving?"


His voice gave me goosebumps. A voice I hadn't heard in 7 months. His words come off his tongue like a beautiful melody, but somehow sting when they hit my ears. It felt like years before I could respond.

"What are you doing here?"  


"I came back to give you something." I didn't dare turn around.


"....Your mom said you were at the movies with Shelby.....but I knew better."


"Since when do you know a damn thing about me?" I hissed back.


"Well I knew you well enough to know that you would try something stupid like this. You know I thought you were smarter than this but..."


I cut him off "No! You are not going to come back here and show your face after 7 months and think you can judge me!"


"Look.."


"No. I'm not finished. You left me here for 7 months, alone. Then you come back and think you can judge me and my decisions I make?


"Well..."


"I am not finished!" I was screaming now. "You didn't even say goodbye!" Tears were pouring down my face.


There was a dead silence for minutes it seamed. I broke the silence "What did you have to give me anyway?"


"I wanted......." he muttered under his breath.


"What?"


I heard his steps behind me, getting closer. I was ashamed. I lowered my head so he wouldn't see my tears. He was getting closer, it was like I could feel him.


"Stop." I couldn't let him stop me.


"Please let me help you through this" he pleaded.

I could hear him behind me, taking another footstep.
"I said stop!" He stopped dead in his tracks.
"Baby girl, I can help you!"

His words had taken my breath away. Those words. Those 2 words had haunted me for 7 months. "Baby girl". I would awake hearing those words and fall asleep thinking about them. Then they would haunt my dreams. I fought for air. I was now staring straight into his eyes. I had never felt so vulnerable in my whole life. I managed to get enough air to choke out 6 words, "what did you just call me?"


He didn't answer me, but it was fine, I knew what the answer was. He looked down at his shoes like a lost puppy. I glanced down at his hands and saw a pastel blue notebook, with my name written in cursive on the front.


"What's that?"

Still looking down at his shoes he answered "It's nothing"
"It's got to be something for you to come all the way from California to give it to me"
"It's just....nothing it's nothing"
"No. Tell me."
"Find out for yourself" He looked at me and held out the notebook. I slowly took the notebook from his hands. For the first time in over 7 months I felt his touch. I wanted to forgive him, to jump in his arms and kiss him. I wanted to feel his touch again. No. I couldn't.

As soon as I had the book in my hands I knew what it was. I opened it to the first page. It was dated exactly 7 months and 3 days ago. I started to skim over the sloppy, careless writing.

"I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do to you. Don't try to blame yourself........" He started out the same way I wrote my note. I continued on ".....My mom picked me up from your front porch. I was coming to apologize about our fight. She said we were leaving now. I didn't have a choice. I was going to write you a note but.....I couldn't, It would have been to painful for you to read a note like that......." I stopped reading. I flipped to the last page. It was dated today's date. I didn't know I was crying until a teardrop hit the page. I quickly wiped  my face. I didn't want him to see me crying again. I looked up from the page. He was looking straight at me.


"You wrote me.....everyday....for 7 months."

"Yeah........I was going to send it to you but......I thought it would be better to give it to you in person. I guess its a good thing I came."
I just looked at him. I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. I looked down at my shoes.

It was a long time before he spoke up "If you want me to leave I'm not going to."

Again I was speechless. I had to do something. I peered up at him. He was crying. I walked up to him.

"I'm sorry" I implied. I was choking on my own words. Tears were shedding down my face again. He took his hand and wiped the tears off my face. I dropped the notebook and hugged him. I could hear his heartbeat. Memories of those summer nights flooding through my head. I felt like nothing could hurt me. I didn't ever want to let go. I wanted to be in his arms always, I wanted this moment to last forever.

© 2012 Speak in Silence


Author's Note

Speak in Silence
I have absolutely no clue where I got this idea from. The story of the boy and girl I kinda got from experience but I changed it a lot. But I hope you like :)

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Reviews

Awwwwwww I ADORE THIS! Great job!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Speak in Silence

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much (:
This...Is...Amazing

Posted 8 Years Ago


Speak in Silence

8 Years Ago

Thanks (: I will read yours after I go and eat :P lol
 Soul Fire

8 Years Ago

You're welcome and thanks :D
Oh, I forgot to mention the only thing that would've made it better. She is still about to jump, then he runs forward, pushes her back and falls over the cliff himself

Y'know, people love that sacrificial stuff

Posted 8 Years Ago


Speak in Silence

8 Years Ago

aw that would have been a cool ending also :)
Oh, wow, that was amazing.

Like, finding a hundred dollar bill in a pair of old jeans amazing.

That was REALLY amazing. Wow, you are an amazing writer. I just kept saying in my head, 'Don't jump before he explains!'

That's the mark of a true writer when you have a reader yelling at the screen/book.


Posted 8 Years Ago


Speak in Silence

8 Years Ago

Thank you, I am so glad you liked it :)
OMIGOSH I want to know more! I didn't want it to end! The idea of the story was very creative and I could never imagine writing a piece as extraordinary as that. I love it!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Speak in Silence

8 Years Ago

Aw thank you :)
That was... It... I don't know what to say.. It was wonderful. So sweet. I have to calm down my heart... Great job :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


Speak in Silence

8 Years Ago

Thank you :)
This is a very touching story. I liked it. I felt the emotions of despair, and I am glad they worked it out in the end. :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


Speak in Silence

8 Years Ago

Thank you :)
This is soooo cute.. Oh My God :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


Speak in Silence

8 Years Ago

haha thanks :)
Anonymous Girl

8 Years Ago

Its okay :)
Aw :') I was in tears throughout nearly the whole thing. I love how the title really ties in well with the story in that subtle way.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Speak in Silence

8 Years Ago

aw thank you :)
awww so sad but so sweet! Great imagery and emotions. I'm glad she forgave him at the end! Beautiful story:')
God Bless

Posted 8 Years Ago


Speak in Silence

8 Years Ago

Thank you :)
Lost in Wonderland

8 Years Ago

no problem:)

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692 Views
13 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on August 2, 2012
Last Updated on August 14, 2012
Tags: thoughts, suicide, death, love, saviour

Author

Speak in Silence
Speak in Silence

NC



About
Hi! My name's Victoria and I'm a Tumblr addict. I love bands and my doggie Scoutypoo. I like going in vintage and antique markets and I like the smell of old books. I like how the sun shines through.. more..

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