Wherever You Are...

I remember the way he used to run his hands through his hair when he was nervous. When we were on long car rides together, the sun would illuminate his features. The small wrinkles on the corners of his eyes and the shine in his crystal blue eyes made me realize how much I loved him. I also remember the night at the hospital last March. He had a changed look in his eyes…eyes that used to be full of joy and hopes were full of despair and regret. There was a taunting silence that night. A silence that used to comfort me was now edging its way into my thoughts. His soft, settle voice broke the silence and made my heart jump a little.

“My watch, I want that to go back to my father…and my knife collection, make sure that goes to little Jimmy down the street…he’s always loved them and I kno-“

“Stop it!” The height of my voice surprised me. The defeating silence that once encased the room was gone without a trace.. I couldn't believe I was hearing these words out of his mouth. I could feel the pain in my chest growing. There was a lump beginning to form itself in my throat. I knew I’d start crying. I had lost track of time at this point…hours or minutes before he spoke again, I don’t know.

“We can’t act like it didn't happen Haley…” I thought he would continue but he didn't. I thought he’d say something like “But it’s going to be okay”, or “But we will get through this together”, but he didn't. The room went dead quite. I could hear sounds outside the door but absolutely nothing on the inside.

It feels like an eternity ago when we were packing a bag to travel to the hospital…even though it was just this morning. My family doctor referred us to the hospital in Dallas.

“Jason, we don’t do that type of testing here. I wish I could tell you good news but at this point, we don’t know anything.” We have had all the doctors in our area tell us that. Jason and I lived in a small town just outside of Austin, Texas. Every doctor we went to, I was hoping they’d tell us “Oh, it’s just a small cold! We have antibiotics to cure it in a matter of days!” or something like that.

The whole ride up to the hospital in Dallas I was complaining because we had to drive to far.

“Why wouldn't they have the testing to see what it was? I mean this whole situation it just stupid!”

“ Haley, baby, calm down. I know it’s a long ways but they will probably have the treatment I need up here. You know how small town doctors are; they are just there to solve winter colds and the occasional broken arm.”

“I know but still, you’d think that they had the equipment to test for sickness and stuff like that.” I wasn't mad, I was just fed up. We had gone to over ten doctors in our area and they said the same things. Now, I cared about Jason and his health but it had been weeks and no one had given us any answers. All of the doctors we went to refereed us to Dallas hospital but I thought that we could find answers within our town. I wanted Jason cleared with a good bill of health and we could go back to living our life again…now, I know it was never that simple.

“ Haley, can you please talk to me?” I didn't want to face him. No, I couldn't face him. I knew I would have to though. I was completely consumed in my thoughts and I couldn't think about the news we had just gotten just hours ago.

“Jason Trae.” The assistant at the desk said that the doctor was expecting him.

“Just head down the hall and swing a left. It’s the second door next the water fountains, you can’t miss it.” Her hair was an amber brown color with tents of blonde. I assumed it was from the sun. Her skin was sun kissed and I could see the tan lines from her bikini. I could hear a trace of southern twang in her voice as she spoke.

As me and Jason headed down the long, white hallway, he held my hand a little tighter than usual. I could tell he was nervous.

On the car ride up, his driving was a little shaky. Knowing the perfect driver he was, I could tell he was a little uneasy about this whole trip…he’d never admit it to me though.

When we got to our turn, he stopped in the middle of the hallway. It was then that I noticed how hard he was holding onto my hand. I turned and look at him.

“What’s wrong?” Him acting this way made me on edge. He’s never acted this way, well at least not for me to see. He shook his head as if trying to grasp reality once again.

“Oh sorry, just have a little cold feet.” His eyes looked dead into mine.

“Hey,” He pulled me into his arms, breathing in my hair. “I need a good luck hug.” I pulled away from him.

“For what? Everything is going to be okay…okay?” He nodded then continued to turn the corner, still holding my hand tight.

We sat in the room for a good hour and a half before the doctor saw us. He told us that the other doctors had sent him the blood samples.

“Jason, I’m sorry to inform you that you have a rare, untreatable form of cancer.” The whole room went dead silent for what seemed like minutes. The doctor stood, looking at us both, waiting for a reaction.  Jason finally stood up, shook the doctor’s hand and walked out of the room. I watched him as he left and just sat in shock, knowing I had to move sooner or later. The air around me felt thick, I couldn't breathe. I starting gasping and the doctor asked me if I was okay…after that everything around me was in a haze. I heard muffled sounds around me but I couldn't make out words. My eyes closed.

I woke up in Jason’s arms. We were both lying down in a hospital bed. He had IV’s in his arms and his eyes were looking across the room out of the window. I was lying down with my head on his chest. How I got here, I have no clue. After a while of just watching the window I finally sat up, careful not to disturbed the IV’s. He looked me in the eye and said words that surprise me even to this day:

“How’d you sleep?” I guess he could see the confusion in my expression so he just continued talking.

“The doctor said you starting hyperventilating and passed out. When they put me in my room I just asked for them to put you with me…I didn't want you to wake up alone.” His eyes had a blunt look to them. His eyes used to bring light to my day but then, they scared me. He knew something I didn't know…I could tell. I didn't want to ask though.

“I’m sorry, I didn't mean to.” He kissed my forehead.

“Don’t be sorry for that.”

 

We spent the next week trapped in that room. Nurses would come in and out, taking blood samples. We still hadn't talked about it yet.

It was Sunday, early afternoon. I sat by the window in the sunlight reading a book that was on the hospital coffee table. Jason lay sleeping across the room, or at least I thought. His voice scared me when he spoke.

“We can’t act like it didn't happen Haley…” I gulped down the lump in my throat and tried to speak but realized I couldn't. I just let him continue.

“They said I have a week…they told me that a week ago…” I looked at him and for once I could see that he was afraid. He was trying to keep his steady composer but his eyes told a different story. I couldn't process the words. They kept running through my head over and over again for minutes. I looked up from my book and noticed he was looking at me. I ran over to his bed and held him in my arms. He put his arms around me and we cried together.

That night I fell asleep next to him. Our fingers were intertwined as I drifted off. I could no longer sleep with him. Each day the doctors and nurses would add more IV’s and stronger medication to keep his heart beating. The doctor told me if I was going to sleep in the room I couldn't sleep with him or the IV’s might come out, so I started sleeping in the chair beside of him.

That night I awoke to the sound of a flat line. The doctors rushed in and the nurses tried to pull me away. The doctors tried they said. I watched as they tried to bring him back. I finally broke the nurses’ grip and ran over to Jason. The doctors all stood back, knowing they couldn't do anything more. I wrapped my arms around his neck crying and whispered in his ear:

“Jason… wherever you are, if you can hear me, listen. From the first day I saw you I knew I’d love you. You were my world and every time you looked me in the eyes, I just knew you felt the same. I want you to know that no matter what you ever did, I could never stay mad at you. Your smile brought light into my life that I hadn't had in so long. Oh and little Jimmy down the street called me and told me to tell you to get better soon that he wants to go fishing with you down by the lake. And your father called and told me to tell you he loved you even though you weren't his biological son. And the doctors tried their best and I’m sure I saw one of the nurses cry when they found out how you gave little Jimmy the father he never had. And don’t you ever forget that I love you.” I stood up, with tears in my eyes, and walked out of the room. Jason told the doctors to tell me he loved me before his heart stopped beating.

The doctors found a note under the covers of Jason’s bed while cleaning to room.

Haley,

I love you more than anything in this world. Words cannot express how much you mean to me. I've only known you for a year, but you are the only girl I've ever loved. Can you please tell little Jimmy down the street that I loved him like a son…my only son. And tell my father that, even though he wasn't my biological dad, I love him. And Haley, do me a favor and think of me sometimes.

 

That summer I taught little Jimmy how to ride a bike. He still doesn't understand why Jason isn't around anymore but I told him that if you think of him before you go to bed at night; he’ll visit you in your dreams.

Author's Note

There's really no story behind it but I actually almost starting crying writing it for some reason. (Has that happened to anyone else?)
I hope everyone enjoys though

Reviews

[Panda11598]

I got teary eyed reading this... It was so touching. I love everything about it, (except for him dying, of course.). But it was very excellent to read. You have an amazing talent for writing. The details and just the way you worded things were great. Keep it up! 100/100

[Speak in Silence]

Awe thank you! I really hope to read some of your work soon. I just returned to WC so I can't wait!

[JM Russell]

Yes. You wrote a story close to my heart. I couldn` t have done a better job. An amazing job of conveying the emotion.

[Speak in Silence]

Thank you!

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good story. It was very sad. All of us leave things we need to do. I like the description of the people and the hospital. I like the ending. Good to keep promises for a friend. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

[Speak in Silence]

Thanks for the compliments and the read!

[Rhianne Ney]

This is heart warming. Good going there.
Keep writing~!

[Speak in Silence]

Thank you!

[Rhianne Ney]

You're welcome