The Death of the Cowboy

The Death of the Cowboy

A Poem by Moflo

And as I stop to come down,
I start to wonder why,
Cowboys ride off in the sunset,
And never the sunrise;

For when my body's cold and sound,
And the Cowboy's left this town,
And dirt will cover like a net,
Will his yielding pose no threat?

-So to everyone I've met,
When its time for me to die,
Don't you waste me in the ground,
Bury me in the clear, blue sky.

© 2011 Moflo


Author's Note

Moflo
I really feel as though this is unfinished, not that it should be longer, but that it can stand to be re-worded for better effect.

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Heck, it's perfect the way it is. It says it all in such a simple yet perfect way.. I loved the imagery in this. The way it simply flowed off the page and in my minds eye I felt your words seep deep inside.

The ending? WOW! Now that is an ending......

Way to go guy!

Mags xx

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Good read and write

Posted 10 Years Ago


Moflo

10 Years Ago

Thank you!
..that feeling pf beng unfinished is what gives a poet a soul and the need to perfect both pace and pitch of verbiage. I can see your vignette play-out simple and flawless and enjoyed it very much.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Moflo

10 Years Ago

Thank you!
long time no see..I want to help...I think you over used "AND"...it's so easy to overuse a conjunction. Try this link...try swapping out some words:

http://thesaurus.com/browse/and?s=t

And dirt will cover like a net,

For starters don't start this writing with "AND"

Another idea......

Try:

This dirt, will cover like a net
or
The earth's dirt, covers like a net

The opening..I'm confused...is this a question or a statement. I love the emotion and thought behind this writing...but I agree with you..something is amiss...I stumble when I read it. I think with a few small revisions...and some "AND" eliminations....it will be a much smoother read. Happy penning my friend! x





Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I actually think its full circle and works well! I like the tension it has, the freedom in his soul...never to be buried but free to roam, even after his death, lovely! xoxo

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You did a splendid job here. Like everyone else I like the last stanza too. As for why the sunset and not the sunrise, "the drifter is always off to another town by that time." or so I read. Good job.


Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bravo! *claps* Im not a cowboy person, and didn't know what to expect when i clicked on this poem. But i liked it! :)

-So to everyone I've met,
When its time for me to die,
Don't you waste me in the ground,
Bury me in the clear, blue sky. < My fav stanza

Posted 12 Years Ago


Leave it as is. Sometimes an unfinished write is best left as is.

Posted 12 Years Ago


[send message][befriend] Subscribe
J
OH!! what a wonderful surprise! [wish i'd thought of it!] there is skill in brevity, mikey ~ to make your point with precision and clarity is what we all strive for! i wanna be buried in the sky as well!

Posted 12 Years Ago


I really like it as is. Especially the last few lines, they made me smile. :)
As to why cowboys ride off into the sunset instead of the sunrise is a good question, and one I haven't really put much thought into.
But anyway, I like the way it makes me picture a sunset, and then directly afterwards, I paint a sunrise in my mind.
Awesome write :)

Posted 12 Years Ago



First Page first
Previous Page prev
1
Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

1681 Views
34 Reviews
Rating
Added on January 11, 2011
Last Updated on January 11, 2011

Author

Moflo
Moflo

NY



About
I am a 26 year old recent college grad trying to establish myself. Recently moved back to NY from Pennsylvania and looking for work. Now working on becoming an English teacher. more..

Writing
Gift Horses Gift Horses

A Poem by Moflo



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Its Okay Its Okay

A Poem by Moflo