The Death of the Cowboy

The Death of the Cowboy

A Poem by Moflo

And as I stop to come down,
I start to wonder why,
Cowboys ride off in the sunset,
And never the sunrise;

For when my body's cold and sound,
And the Cowboy's left this town,
And dirt will cover like a net,
Will his yielding pose no threat?

-So to everyone I've met,
When its time for me to die,
Don't you waste me in the ground,
Bury me in the clear, blue sky.

© 2011 Moflo


Author's Note

Moflo
I really feel as though this is unfinished, not that it should be longer, but that it can stand to be re-worded for better effect.

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Featured Review

Heck, it's perfect the way it is. It says it all in such a simple yet perfect way.. I loved the imagery in this. The way it simply flowed off the page and in my minds eye I felt your words seep deep inside.

The ending? WOW! Now that is an ending......

Way to go guy!

Mags xx

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Good read and write

Posted 6 Years Ago


Moflo

6 Years Ago

Thank you!
..that feeling pf beng unfinished is what gives a poet a soul and the need to perfect both pace and pitch of verbiage. I can see your vignette play-out simple and flawless and enjoyed it very much.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Moflo

6 Years Ago

Thank you!
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long time no see..I want to help...I think you over used "AND"...it's so easy to overuse a conjunction. Try this link...try swapping out some words:

http://thesaurus.com/browse/and?s=t

And dirt will cover like a net,

For starters don't start this writing with "AND"

Another idea......

Try:

This dirt, will cover like a net
or
The earth's dirt, covers like a net

The opening..I'm confused...is this a question or a statement. I love the emotion and thought behind this writing...but I agree with you..something is amiss...I stumble when I read it. I think with a few small revisions...and some "AND" eliminations....it will be a much smoother read. Happy penning my friend! x





Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I actually think its full circle and works well! I like the tension it has, the freedom in his soul...never to be buried but free to roam, even after his death, lovely! xoxo

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You did a splendid job here. Like everyone else I like the last stanza too. As for why the sunset and not the sunrise, "the drifter is always off to another town by that time." or so I read. Good job.


Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bravo! *claps* Im not a cowboy person, and didn't know what to expect when i clicked on this poem. But i liked it! :)

-So to everyone I've met,
When its time for me to die,
Don't you waste me in the ground,
Bury me in the clear, blue sky. < My fav stanza

Posted 7 Years Ago


Leave it as is. Sometimes an unfinished write is best left as is.

Posted 7 Years Ago


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j
OH!! what a wonderful surprise! [wish i'd thought of it!] there is skill in brevity, mikey ~ to make your point with precision and clarity is what we all strive for! i wanna be buried in the sky as well!

Posted 7 Years Ago


I really like it as is. Especially the last few lines, they made me smile. :)
As to why cowboys ride off into the sunset instead of the sunrise is a good question, and one I haven't really put much thought into.
But anyway, I like the way it makes me picture a sunset, and then directly afterwards, I paint a sunrise in my mind.
Awesome write :)

Posted 7 Years Ago



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Added on January 11, 2011
Last Updated on January 11, 2011

Author

Moflo
Moflo

NY



About
I am a 26 year old recent college grad trying to establish myself. Recently moved back to NY from Pennsylvania and looking for work. Now working on becoming an English teacher. more..

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