Uncertain

This is my most recent poem. It's more of a ramble than a poem, honestly.

I remember that evening, 

as if it were yesterday.

Whenever it runs through my mind

like a picture show

I am reduced to a dream-like state

and my lips part slowly.

Sometimes, the recollection comes as

a mere susurrus,

other times it is a roar. 

You filled the room,

while I barely filled my own seat.

your borderline obsession with what I was thinking

miffed and excited me.

I tell myself over and over

you are full of bad intentions.

that your words are a ruse,

a charismatic dialogue to keep me on edge

and under your thumb.

the more I try to convince myself,

the more I doubt. 

I am only trying to protect myself,

my pride,

my heart. 

I think,

today will be the last I pay you any mind,

no more of my attention will be given

I will not waste any more precious time

on someone who does not give a damn.

I am so uncertain of myself, 

and everything around me. 

I no longer know what is sincere.

but still,

I find myself loving you more and more

as time goes on. 

Now tell me,

how is that fair?