Selenophobia

Chapter One

 

I am not a bad person; I have just done bad things. They say that the Lunar Effect is a myth, but I am living proof of its existence, not that anybody believes me. I feel the Moon’s power seep through me, charging my body until I no longer have control. That’s when people get hurt. And that’s why I am here, looking through the five bars of my cell window that allow light to leak through, mapping shadowed lines on the concrete floor. It will be dark soon, and that’s when I will block every corner of this window to stop it from reaching me; the Earth’s natural satellite.

 

A tap on the bars from behind me disrupts my thoughts.

 

“Open on 32!…Kirkman, it’s time for your counselling session”

 

As the cell door slides open, dragging itself backwards, the guard looks at me impatiently, her baton hanging idle next to her handcuffs. I stand up and exit the little room, appreciating the open space, even though the smell from each of the toilets seem to bury itself in the gaps of the bricks, causing it to linger and fill your senses the moment you leave your cell. With the guard handcuffing me it makes it impossible for me to hold my nose.

 

My counselling sessions take place every Wednesday at four in the afternoon. Another visit to another person who just thinks I am crazy. The guard grips my arm and leads me down the usual route to the counsellor’s office, strolling past my inmates. I avoid their glares and snarls by keeping my eyes straight ahead but I sense their stares, peering at me through their perfectly squared identical homes; each one consisting of one bed, with only a thin stained sheet to block out the cold and the nightmares.

 

The route consists of 213 steps to reach the counsellors room, and on step 167 I always look into the visitor’s room. I know I won’t see a familiar face but I cannot help but wish for it. I have been in this prison for 114 days now and not one person has visited me. Not that I blame them. If I listened to me I would think I was crazy too.

 

There is nobody here I really talk too either. I like to keep myself to myself and out of trouble. However trouble seems to have a way of finding me. Even when it is light, the darkness I have been exposed to comes back for me, replacing it once again, stealing any chance of happiness. Reminding me of what I am capable of. It’s the dreams that really get to me. When no light is present they swarm me behind closed lids, the skeletons of my past.

 

Eventually we reach the corner, where I take a seat in the usual waiting chair that runs horizontal to the washed out walls. From inside you can hear prisoner 45 crying like usual. She always has her sessions just before me. It was just last week ago she tried to hang herself again. That’s the thing with this place; it takes away every avenue to freedom, even death. She eventually comes out where the guard that escorted me handcuffs her and begins escorting her back. We exchange a slight nod, which is about the most interaction I get with anyone here. Her eyes are red and swollen, matching the red rope mark around her neck.

 

“Louise, please enter.” That is why I like coming to the counselling sessions. She uses my first name. I think without these sessions I would forget what it is. Here, they will take away your identity, make you doubt your beliefs and turn you into a number. Number 32 that is me.  I step through the door, taking in the usual surroundings, the blank screen of the computer that rests on the desk under the window, the window with no bars. The brown leather sofa, where I sit feels just as before. I see crumbled up tissues in the bin next to it, obviously from when 45 was sat here. I don’t remember the last time I cried, but the dreams bring me close.

 

“So Louise, how you been?” Heather, the counsellor, looks at me expectantly, but as usual I give the same answer.

 

“Same as usual.”

 

“Are you still blocking your window up at night time?”

 

“Of course I am”

 

“That isn’t going to cure your Selenophobia you know.”

 

They call it Selenophobia, which is a fear of the full moon, but it isn’t just the full moon I fear. I fear any phase. No matter what phase the moon is in, it will affect me. It frustrates me when they say this, when they don’t understand.

 

“It’s not just the full moon, it just gets worse at the full moon.” I know she is just humouring me and that she doesn’t actually believe me, but a part of me enjoys talking about it. She is like my real life diary. Someone I can say it all too and not doubt myself. Here it remains the truth. 

 

Heather sits opposite me on a stool that rotates slightly when she puts her weight on it. She straps the blood pressure pad to my arm tightly, matching the tightness of the cuffs and presses the button on the monitor, its hold on me tightens further until just when you think your arm will pop it starts to withdraw.

 

 “How so?”

 

“I feel like I am being possessed.”

 

“How is that different to the other phases of the moon?”

 

“I become frustrated and agitated, and I lash out, but I am still aware of what I am doing. When it is full I have no control what so ever.”

 

“And when was the last time you felt like that.”

 

This question takes me by surprise, causing a sharp pain to occur in my chest. I screw my eyes up then, trying to say the words without flashing back to that moment. Instead it comes out in an agonising whisper.

 

“The night I killed my own brother.”

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Chelle]

Very interesting story and concept. I've never read anything pertaining to the Lunar Effect to this was something new for me. You incorporated excellent imagery to bring the atmosphere of the prison to life and appeal to all the senses of the reader. Also, great incorporation of the elements of prison, especially with the detail about the barred windows, the blood pressure test, and so forth. I also found the fact that you added more to the environment of the prison in its qualities by mentioning Prisoner 45 and her condition. Overall, the setting of your story and its imagery helped really draw the reader in.

The Selenophobia portion is quite interesting and it's a mystery to be solved but that's also what helps make this story a good read. Hope to hear more from this story in the future because it really is captivating.

[Natalie Beck]

Thank you. :)