DISEASE OR CURE?

Does The Ability to Bounce Back Ensure Our Humanity, or Leave Us Vulnerable to the Future?

He moves away from us afraid and contemplative,

  his frightened eyes glistening in the poor lighting,

   telling a story of neglect and pity; wishing to remain furtive,

    for his age he should be free and pure and welcoming.

 

What had they done to this young soul, now damaged and lost,

  his foster parents wicked and cruel excuses of human beings,

   no compassion nor remorse in their bodies; blood turned to frost,

    his miserable glare quite a startling sight, a scar from their countless sins.

 

As a social worker I’d been to an abyss too many,

  but this boy, so filthy and tarnished and silent, got me upset,

   humanity was losing its bearing, taking a turn for the scary,

    a vivid example served, this boy locked in a tiny closet.

 

But life is a balanced mathematical equation; ‘Intimacy’ serving as the constant,

   bruises heal, tears dry, hate freezes over, revenge becomes a vain bout,

    trust breaks through, friendship abounds, love overcomes all the vigilance,

     for little Jack today, he took a valiant effort and once again reached out.

 

-M.Babu-

Author's Note

This is an extremely experimental piece- SHARPLY contrasting to my usual style. I would appreciate your honest comments and thoughts on the piece (:

Reviews

[Brook]

I loved the way that you wrote it out as a progressive story. In the beginning, it seemed almost hopeless. I was overcome with pity for him, and once again I had to question humanity as so often happens with writing on this site. It almost makes you cynical, and wonder what will happen to the boy in a world full of demons. Demons who look like people, but demons just the same.

My favorite lines were "humanity was losing its bearing, taking a turn for the scary/a vivid example served, this boy locked in a tiny closet." It was only a half-rhyme at the end, and I was glad you didn't sacrifice the meaning for a full rhyme. It's touching the way you worded it.

Overall, your word choice was great. And the length of your stanzas wasn't too long or too short. Each served their own purpose, to give more to the story and bring a new meaning to the stanza before it. It was well constructed.

Good job. I would like to see more like this from you in the future.

[Desert Dreamer]

You tell a story of healing, a sad story turned hopeful. Very well done.

[Lenard L. Banks III]

I liked this poem but to be honest how can one not like this. I see your heart having pitty for this hurting child that was very clear somethings are best left alone you might try and change this piece and lose the sincere feelings you displayed in the original.

[SINDE]

The development of your piece is awesome.It keeps one reading.Good work.

[J.e.s.s.i.c.a]

I could feel how passionate you felt about this. It's wonderful. My favorite is the line, "his miserable glare quite a startling sight, a scar from their countless sins." It was very powerful.

[emmajoy]

Such a sad, powerful piece of writing that would have been just that in any form or format. 'Blood turned to frost .. ' a great phrase; 'got me upset' - not great however, the word 'got' is a harsh ugly one.

Poems of this type really touch the heart, they display literary skills along with empathy - a great marriage. I'll return to read more of your poems, they should be reviewed by far more people.

[Coyote Poetry]

I believe people who survive a hard up-bringing. Become stronger and better people if they don't allow the disappointment to blind them. A powerful poem. With my time in the Army. I saw places where living a long life is a miracle. But I saw people with strong spirit and strong hearts who overcame much and could teach many a good lesson about life. A excellent poem. Your strong words made me think.
Coyote

[Alvin L. Kathembe]

great work...your experiment was a success!good choice of words, and i like the progression....great effort, keep writing!!!!

[Arabdha]

very thought provoking and intense..reflective on human life and the all the emotions that come with it..good write..i like it :)