MY INEXPERIENCED PERSPICACITY

Humanity’s urgent facelift.

Weighed words work well,

To tell that timely tale,

Untold, unrevealed and unraveled,

Mystery masquerading misty and formless,

The Truth trapped, twisted and tamed,

Redundant reality ravenously ravished,

Humanity, hoaxed humbled and hushed.

 

Is there an end to this deemingly heavy fog?

Perspective clouded perpendicularly by hefty smog.

Peculiar personality weightier than individual individuality,

And frivolously we ponder why we are falling with accelerating velocity?

Our downfall t’is our own, we should either own our inhumanity proudly,

Emerge energized, extremely exonerated and exorcised evidently,

Or mundanely conform to our worldly ways and waste our mortality.

 

                                  -M.Babu-       

Author's Note

I’m always trying to write on something that bothers me. This was the perfect way to sum it all up. Plus I tried something new (my worst nightmare) on this one. Alliteration. Review it please…I like well-placed CANDID critique.

Reviews

[emmajoy]

There are some wonderfully musical phrases in here, for instance, 'The Truth trapped, twisted and tamed,' but you've pushed the boat out too far.

Get back to me if you want me to explain more in a message.

Thanks for asking me to read your work.

[Marie Harrison]

This one really spoke to me. I really enjoyed reading this. It's unique poetry for you. Great job!

[freelancejouster]

ah, but this is striking, and it rolls off the tongue with a twist, ending in a heavy message. why this poem seems to have it all... though i didn't know it was possible to ravenously ravish :) great work, here.

in the line where you ponder, a question mark is either not needed, or the question you're asking should be broken off by either ' or " so the question can actually be asked instead of stated.

[Alvin L. Kathembe]

great experiment, you almost got it perfectly right - the thing with poetry is that you havta get the EXACT right word...the second best is never half as good....keep at it bro! :) you did great with alliteration but kinda lost the message...but keep at it and we'll make a Longfellow outta you!some great lines as usual like
"mundanely conform to our worldly ways and waste our mortality."
but i didnt get
"Our downfall t’is our own, we should either own our inhumanity proudly," :/
explanation pkease? keep at it!

[SINDE]

You surely know how to use your poetic licene...peculiar personality weightier than individual individuality,And frivolously ponder why we are falling with accelerating velocity...HARSH.Your worst nightmare ain't all that bad at all.Your piece is generally good and interesting.:)