Just need some feed back

Just need some feed back

A Story by Fav

Really need someone who's not a family member or friend to read my story. I don't feel like they are helping me improve. I actually want to write decent stories. :'(


"Ugh!" I scream as I collapse on to my bed. I let it all out. The frustration, anger, and helplessness. I've never felt tears so hot before. I swear that my tears could even melt the polar ice caps if global warming didn't get to them first.

Ding dong. I try my best to ignore the constant ringing of my doorbell. "Grr." I jump off my bed and speed towards the door not trying to conceal my anger in the least. Why must they come now of all times? "The hell do you want?" I ask menacingly putting my hand on my hip. I stare at him for a while and notice that his head was bowed. Maybe I was a little too mean to him? I mean he did nothing wrong, he's just here to deliver the mail after all.

"Pft." I snap my head towards the boy who I had slightly started to pity. Only to see him arrogantly smirk at me, like he's the one who feels sorry for me. "Ha, must be hard living with that nasty attitude of yours. No wonder you lost to Jerrica. I'd choose her too if I was Vance." his disgusting smirk turns into an even more disgusting grin. How I would love to kick his a*s, but I know that would make his impression of me worse. "Pardon me, but could you please explain to who exactly you are?" I try to put on the best smile I could muster. By the gleam in his eye, I could tell that I'd failed terribly.  "Are you not going to invite me in?" he dodged my question. "Come in." I snort.

"So?" I bark, fed up with his damn disrespect.

© 2018 Fav

Author's Note

Tell me everything. So of the story feels a little weird to me I wanna know what you guys think. This is just a demo. I've actually have been trying to write this story for months. Sigh. Just nothing ever came to mind.

My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register


[send message][befriend] Subscribe
Waiting for reviews. Fun.

Posted 3 Years Ago

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


1 Review
Added on January 13, 2018
Last Updated on January 13, 2018
Tags: Need feedback, Help, Incomplete, Sample



Lehigh Acres, FL

I'm just a girl who wants to get better at talking, writing, drawing, singing, the guitar, piano, and clarinet. Maybe learn some magic. Yes magic is very real, my grand aunt was a witch. of course I d.. more..