Melancholic longing for your identity

Melancholic longing for your identity

A Poem by Morgan|Intelligent|witty|gemini
"

Something I wrote sorta resembling a poem about feeling empty and having a mental illness that is stronger than who you truly are, its a constant battle for reality.

"
As I wake up and get out of bed
I notice my mood is saudade
That's how my days normally start and end

I step outside and feel the cool prevailing air on my face
I close my eyes and feel myself become enveloped
from the comfort of the cool air

I open my eyes and see her standing across the street
She to looks enveloped by the cool air
My days start and end with seeing her
accompanied by lingering feelings of emptiness

As my incontrovertible and unrelenting mood changes
from saudade to ambivalent 
I only have my paranoid thoughts to blame
I need to breathe

I step outside only to see her standing in front of me
She no longer looked comforted like she did this morning
she looked sad and scared

I was reluctant to try and console her because every time I do
she never speaks
Its as if she's not really there
I leave her alone and go back inside

The day is almost over and I always feel irritated and angry
from the daily stresses I struggle to handle

As I pull into my driveway there she is again
sitting on the sidewalk in the spotlight from the street lamp
just like a loyal dog awaiting the return of it's owner

I decide to try and talk to her
I go over to the sidewalk and sit down
as I begin to speak 
it's almost as if I hear the echo's of my voice coming from her mouth
she's never spoken an actual word to me before
but for some reason I feel in some way she has

As we talk about the brief but very often times we see each other
it feels as if all of these years of seeing one another
we've been looking at a mirror
no.. not at it
through it

The more I thought about it
 I realized that every time I recalled seeing her
she was either mimicking the mood I was in
or in the complete opposite mood

As we were sitting on the sidewalk
under the spotlight from the street lamp
she spoke to me without saying any words
it was almost like the way I heard the echoes of my voice
coming out of her mouth earlier

She's been the reflection of me she's my inner child
that's why she appears when my uncontrollable moods change so rapidly
that I get confused

I step out of the body I've lost control over
physically my body remains
mentally I step out of it and watch myself from across the street
where she normally stands

But only she's nowhere to be seen
she's simply gone
she has completely vanished

As I wake up the next day and get out of bed
I notice that my mood is saudade
that's normally how my days start and end

I step outside expecting to see her
but she's not there

The overwhelming feelings of confusion and emotional pain are strong but
I realize she was never physically there
she's the logical part of me
when I lose control of my emotions and moods
the logical inner child who is her
would appear opposite of the out of control me

The inner child in me hasn't given up completely
but needs to overcome this mental illness
before it consumes us both

© 2019 Morgan|Intelligent|witty|gemini


Author's Note

Morgan|Intelligent|witty|gemini
Constructive critisim is welcomed, but please do not be mean or rude or just offensive! i hope you all enjoy it.

My Review

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Featured Review

I used to work in the mental health field, and this very descriptive poem seems to reflect the symptoms of either schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder or bipolar disorder. The speaker has an unusual grasp of the symptoms; many continue to think they are reality.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Morgan|Intelligent|witty|gemini

1 Year Ago

I recently got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. It is a struggle every day but I writ.. read more



Reviews

Words....are actually escaping me and I'm a writer. The amount I related to this is unfathomable. As someone with BPD, this is definitely an internal monologue I can relate to. I know it well. The line "That's normally where my days start and end" Is such a short, but meaningful line to me. Sometimes with mental health, it can seem like you just begin and end everything the same and that short phrase captured that. Perfect way to end that stanza. Speaking about your inner child is something I commend you on. I often struggle to speak about that because it can feel so hidden or painful to divulge.

All in all, this poem is an absolute work of art. I would tell you every line I loved but I would just be copy and pasting this poem. Brilliant. Please keep writing and please keep fighting

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Morgan|Intelligent|witty|gemini

1 Year Ago

Your response to my writing has also left me with not many words left to form a sentence..in the abs.. read more
I used to work in the mental health field, and this very descriptive poem seems to reflect the symptoms of either schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder or bipolar disorder. The speaker has an unusual grasp of the symptoms; many continue to think they are reality.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Morgan|Intelligent|witty|gemini

1 Year Ago

I recently got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. It is a struggle every day but I writ.. read more

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Added on June 24, 2019
Last Updated on June 24, 2019
Tags: Mental Health, BPD, poem, poems, monolouges, monolouge, inner monolouge, mental illness, feelings, emotions

Author

Morgan|Intelligent|witty|gemini
Morgan|Intelligent|witty|gemini

ME



About
My names Morgan, I'm 26 years old. I have a pretty cool cat and a witty personality. I tend to have a lot of emotions and feelings that I don't always understand or that I understand all to well, eith.. more..

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