Over the years

OVER THE YEARS 

Unlike the happiness that compels,

My sorrows inspired me.

My grief pushed me forward

And my loneliness motivated me.

Unlike the ideal persons that aspire,

My heart had a image of the person I must not be

My memories quenched the raging fire

And my solitude kept me going. 

Unlike a soul that touches hearts of many,

My broken self was along,

My unaccomplished dreams I desired

And my hope faltered, but never faded. 

Unlike the positivity that helps,

My accusations tempted me to prove them wrong,

My guilt has changed the thoughts

And my regrets reformed me. 

Unlike the perfections that helps

My flaws I embraced,

My restlessness gave me hope

And my imperfections just perfected me all the way. 

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I completely understand what you're saying & I agree wholeheartedly. Many times humans are motivated by wanting to avoid some bad outcome. Coming from a childhood of abuse, some ruined their lives and their bodies by doing punishing things to act out their hurts. I saw this & it was my example of what I did not want to do with my own personal pain. You have a powerful message here, but it could be made more personal if you were more specific in the examples you use. When you keep your message in the realm of being general, the message feels more vague. For example in the last verse: "my restlessness" -- you could SHOW me what this looks like by describing it in more detail, show me that searching yearning impatient person you are referring to in a generalized way. Does this person tear away his skin as he waits for life to unfold? Try to use more vivid imagery to SHOW instead of tell. You have a great imagination & you have strong messages to share . . . and you could make it even more memorable by getting out of the zone of generalities! *smile* Fondly, Margie

[Najam Us Saher]

Firstly, I thank you very much for in depth review. I understand the point you are trying to tell me. I will rewrite and be more specific so that the message I want to convey reads like my own story.
Your appreciation means a lot to me. I thank you from the depths of my heart. Have a wonderful day :)

[Jolene]

I really like this...it's not always about blocking off all our negatives and flaws in order to succeed sometimes embracing them, feeling them ,owning them helps us work through them and make peace with who we are

[Najam Us Saher]

I agree with you. Thank you.

[LizBot3]

This is a great example of strenght from within, of the passion to keep us going and knowing who you are and being true to your own self. Love it!

[Najam Us Saher]

Thank you very much.

[Chryiss]

I've said it in other reviews of yours, but I do admire how expressive you are without resorting to fancy or complex language or unusual phrasing--all of which I typically like and prefer in poetic writing. While one can always say more, it's harder to say little yet under the words say so much. This can depend on the how relatable the content is, but it still depends largely on the style and skill of the writer.
As with the other two reviewed, the simple but clear cut wording and message make this palatable with a sense of suppressed ease and emotion. In regards to that message, I liked the contrast of the expected with the unexpected in "unlike" so and so. Very well done.

[Najam Us Saher]

Your reviews made my day. I choose to keep my words simple and different. I believe that poetry must not be captured in mind when read aloud but it must touch the heart of the readers and that is what I intend to do so. Thank you very much Chryiss for the special mention for all the poems I submitted and the honest reviews. I appreciate it the most.

[Hasan669]

There is a very positive message behind the sadness expressed in this poem, that 'we learn from our own hardships'. There is a saying in religious texts that the more one is able to endure suffering and hardships the stronger the person he or she becomes. The theme is rather difficult to put into poetry, but I thought you handled it very well without any form of finger-pointing and blaming. I suppose in a way, this is why it was difficult to cite specific examples. Actually I can empathise with this poem having gone through very painful and difficult periods in my own life. A Theme well handled overall.

[Najam Us Saher]

Thank you very much for reading and appreciating it. You are right, the more we suffer the hardships and trials, stronger we emerge. You have understood exactly what I wanted to convey, thank you so much for such appreciation. It means a lot. May Allah bless you and reward you for your patience.

[Amada]

Very amazingly written as usual.

[Najam Us Saher]

Thank you so much.

[Suhd]

It's a beautiful story of someone who's been served lemons all life and she made lemonade.
Impressive stuff :) Bravo, Saher!

[Najam Us Saher]

The lemonade was bitter-sweet.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts. It means a lot :)

[Suhd]

My pleasure, always!

[Ethan]

Thi is nice, but if you set a rhyme scheme in the beginning of the poem, it's necessary that you follow it or make a clear and intentional change in rhyme.

[Najam Us Saher]

I will think of how I can make this rhyme. Thank you very much for the suggestion.

[Judy Emery/ Lilly Emery]

This poem you written really touch how I'm truly feeling at this time.I would like to say thank you for putting your sorrow down into words, this is something I do to help me get through my own painful times.
my past wasn't all that good and the memories of that darken time haunts me at times.I know we all have a story.Again thank you for sharing.

[Najam Us Saher]

The fact that you could relate to this one makes us very similar. Yes, it does haunt at times and it is very painful.
Hope you feel better soon. Take care and thank you so much for reading.

[Black Jess]

Reading your poem gave me sparkles in my eyes *-*
Some people have different and opposite motivations, they find strenght in the flaws and fragilities, they have that power to turn whatever is negatif and devastating into something motivating and inspiring, and these kind of people are really amazing, because it's not easy - not likely - to be able to pass the hurdles and use them as stairs to bring them up.
I really enjoyed it, and like every part of it, especially this : My sorrows inspired me, my grief pushed me forward and my loneliness motivated me. It is sooooo true maaaan !
I agree with everything you said and I feel the same about it.
And your imperfections perfected your poem in every possible way ! ;)

[Najam Us Saher]

You just made my day!
I agree with you. Thank you very much for reading and sharing your valuable thoughts.
It means a lot :)

[Anjali]

The ending though! So beautiful... I liked the concept of it... Very nice!

[Najam Us Saher]

Thank you very much. Good to see you after a long time. How are you?
I really missed you.

[Anjali]

You're very welcome! Yea it has been a while.. I'm very good. How are you?

[Najam Us Saher]

I am good too.

[Anjali]

Good to hear that..😊