"You"

Ever had a friend who saved you from your pain, until they became the reason? Well, this poetry is for them as a message that they will never see but it will always remain in me.

My genuine smile came out
When you came in my life.

You opened my fake mask
And saw my desperate eyes.

It was your hand that i found
Inside my prison.

Prison that i created to stay away
From the brutal world.

You proved me wrong.
You showed me light...

You proved...
That everything is indeed...
Temporary....

So was my smile,
And even you...

You proved me that,
Blood is Thicker than Water...

No one can become my soul.
Not you, not me..

My  smile came to an end.
As you walked out of my life.

You made me wear my fake mask
All over again.
And left eyes with no love.

This time, your hands locked me,
Back to my prison, that feels like... my grave...

I'm back in the cell,
Hiding from you...

Author's Note

Have a nice day! Thank you for your time and attention!!!

Reviews

[JayG]

If I knew your intent—the thought behind the words, and which summoned those words—I would, perhaps, be as moved by them as are you when you read to edit. If I was made to have the emotion you held as you envisioned the events, I would care. But Intent doesn't make it to the page, and the reader has only what your words suggest, TO THEM, based on THEIR background and experience. So from a reader's viewpoint, a good part of this story remains in your head.

You speak to an unknown someone, and reference the result of events unspoken, telling the reader of the speaker's emotions, but not what caused them. So from a reader's view, lacking knowledge of that motivated the words, how do we know that this person wasn't justified in running from the speaker? Answer: we don't, but should if the fact of them leaving is to be meaningful.

My point? Don't talk TO the reader. Don't tell them of the effect. Show them by the cause, making them live the events. Move them emotionally, not intellectually. Make them CARE.