Snow crystals (a collaboration with Jesus)

Pristine snow crystals,

fall like stars

from the sky,

reflecting lights all around--gold, lilac, gentle green.

In slow motion,

they gather around you, 

like bits of paper thrown

above

doomed already

to fall each time.

Cristales inmaculados de nieve,

caen como estrellas

desde el cielo,

reflejando luces por todas partes--dorado,lila, verde  suave.

En lento movimiento,

acumulándose a tu alrededor,

como pedacitos de papel lanzados

arriba

condenados  ya

a caer cada vez.

Author's Note

What has success given us, if not a larger distance to fall?

This is my first translation poem. I have been helped in writing the spanish version by the brilliant writer and my friend, Jesus. It does take a lot of brilliance and will power to go through my awful grammar.:)) Hope you enjoyed it. Review and tell me what you think.

Reviews

[Bright Ocean Star]

"like little bits of paper thrown above doomed already to fall each time."....I love this. Your writing is simple, clear, and so beautiful. You have a gentle, magical way of planting the words for maximal effect. Brilliant daughter of the moon, you are shining tonight!

[ReneeJ]

What I really got from this is fall from grace. We can be at the height of fame or our career and it is a beautiful time in our lives, but many will fall with no power to control.
I loved how you created a beautiful image of the snowflakes and I especially liked the line "they gather around you like bits of paper...."

[Moonie]

Thanks dear Renee. It is always a pleasure to hear from you. :)
I am glad you like that line. :)

[Amduscia]

Brilliant Poem. The perfect Winter Poem.

[Moonie]

Thank you for the kind words, dear Amduscia. =)
I have been feeling a little --shall I say--"wintery" for some time now!:)

[Amduscia]

All Winters pass... Besides, wintry characteristics aren't always a bad thing... Everyone will agree; snow-capped trees, mountains, etc, are beautiful.

[C. Rose]

I'm impressed by the idea that snowflakes are doomed.
I imagine how beautiful, untainted, and free they are in the sky.
And how unoriginal, dirty, lifeless they become once the hit the ground.
The truly are 'doomed'

Well done.

[Moonie]

You ve hit the bull's eye, dear Rose.
Thanks for reviewing. =)

[Coyote Poetry]

Beautiful poem for thoughts to ponder. I like the use of two languages. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Moonie]

Thank you , dear Coyote. Always a pleasure to hear from you.=))

[MsJewel]

Lovely in both languages!

:) Julie

[Moonie]

Thank you very much, dear Julie. =))

[A. Amos]

This was a treat of brilliance...thank you for sharing!

[Moonie]

Thanks for the lovely comment, dear A. Amos. :)

[A. Amos]

You're most welcome my dear.

[Einstein Noodle]

i would not have made the connection to success had it not been for your note .. the falling from above is evident but not exclusive (if that is your purpose) could be from love, from dreams and aspirations etc.
i agree with Esse .. something seems just a bit wordy in those lines .. perhaps leaving out already or each time .. just my opinion .. the first 7 lines are great .. creates a scene and mood that i readily can relate to .(grew up in upstate NY with over 100" snow fall every year) the snow there falls down in just such a gentle way.
E.

[Moonie]

Yes, that was my purpose. Everyone views "falling" differently. For me, this poem is about success.
Thanks for the review. Your reviews are always welcome, dear E. =))

[Bluefire]

I love that you wrote it in spanish too, that's amazing!
This is beautiful, bright and hopeful as well as wondrous.
Well done. ^^

[Moonie]

I am glad you like this one. Thanks for the amazing review. =)

[Bluefire]

You're welcome. ^^

[Jennie Baron]

Okay, I'll leave the commentary on the Spanish part to your other friends, but I think the English part is breathtakingly beautiful.

[Moonie]

Thanks, dearest ma'am. It is always a pleasure to be reviewed by you. =)