Ocean Stories

~Just a romantic poem~

To chambers and notches of seaweed,

we can journey, if ever you need

to sleep, hearing the ocean waves.

We would collect the conch shells the sea saves

for lost travellers, like you and me.

We would go together to the foaming sea,

where strange melodies paint images

on the walls of chambers and cages

of the foaming periwinkle sea.

We would go and hear that melody.

When the northern star shall reach out,

and the distant mariner boy would shout,

that it is the time for mermaids to ascend,

we would wait by the caves and hear their voices blend

with the sound of the troubled sea.

Alone, in the silence, only you and me.

When the air is salty and the water hushed, 

we would sleep, wrapped in the golden dust.

Should the cries of the pale skinned sea

ever break our lost rhyming reverie,

we would sing aloud to the moon,

to lull and hush the childish sea soon.

If its promise, the platinum moon shall keep,

we would drown again in our sleep,

and dream beautiful dreams of voices in a shell,

Till the dawn arrives and tinkles the church bells

of some distant, dry, deserted town's core.

We would awake again and be washed ashore.

Author's Note

Ocean Songs- Black Tide

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

one of the finest poem of the sea i have read here!! one of the finest .. somehow i clicked to listen to the music as i read .. i usually read first so i am not distracted .. but this piece swims together, music and word ... i feel like kelp in serenade with the current and the moon .. enchanting and beautiful .. well done says i .. well done!!
E.

[Moonie]

What a brilliant review!!! I am flattered, dear E. I truly am! The album "ocean songs" is one of my favourite albums, and this song seemed to go well with the poem. Thank you so much!! :) :)

[Moonie]

Ps, my dear ocean star taught me how to include songs here. Kudos to her!!!!........Suck it, technology!!!

[Chase]

Im a fan of alliteration, especially when it isn't only whimsical, but has that undertone of more to it. It was difficult to get a cadence to this piece, i will say that. The majority of the lines are of similar length so I'm unsure as to why I couldn't fjnd a cadence for it but I'll come back and try again later.

[Moonie]

Haha..no worries..this one is too close to my heart to undergo an edit though...I never, ever kill my darlings...lol..
Thanks for visiting and for the review! :)))

[Aries]

Love love love this poem. This one should've been the winner for "Anything Poetry," (where I found it) by a mile. I would have these words etched in my memorial granite, really... A beautiful, timeless piece that breaks and crashes like the ocean in ways that both lull and excite, capturing life's essence in feeling perfectly. I envy your way with words.

[Moonie]

I've been on this site for one whole year and i reckon this must rank as the most positive and uplifting review I've ever received on here. Thank you, Aries! :)) I really appreciate that you took the time to read this poem.

[Aries]

I appreciate that you wrote it. It really is my favourite poem to date. The ocean is a romantic and mysterious thing, and I've always had a fascination with it. I dream of the day that my wife and I are not tethered by the bells of that deserted town, and instead can live by the majesty of that ancient water. The only thing more soothing than the predictability of the waves breaking on the sand is sharing the experience with the one you love. I'm sorry, I'm ranting haha, I just really like this work and it basically encapsulates everything I'm working toward in my life right now :)

[Country Girl47]

Loved reading this fine piece of poetry about the sea. Thanks for sharing and keep up the fine penning.

[Moonie]

Thank you for the lovely comment, dear!! :))

[Country Girl47]

YW

[Terrence Chang]

This is a good poem Naomi. Exceptionally good choices of words. I am impressed with your poem. Keep posting

[Moonie]

Thank you, Terrence!! :)) You flatter me...:)))

[Terrence Chang]

Well the pleasure was mine

[....................]

A wonderful romantic poem that quells the roar of lonely waves beating on a vacant shore. You've also selected a beautiful piece of music to accompany your words. The symbols sound like waves, sometimes crashing, sometimes lulling and the melody is peaceful, almost haunting. I enjoyed this very much and being an ocean born boy myself, whose veins runs with salt water, I may be a little biased :)

[Moonie]

Wonderfully said, dear Ledrew!!! That is one of my favourite albums. The ocean is much too deep to ever be understood completely. :))

[....................]

So true! :)

[Jamestown]

Beautiful as the ocean! This piece is calming, peaceful, elegant and a true
piece of fine poetry, thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[Moonie]

Thanks a lot for that lovely review. It sure won a smile from me. :)

[ANTO]

You penned a beautiful fantasy journey to hidden secrets of the sea here. i loved that the sea became as a petulant child - perhaps jealous of the two dreamers - and had to be calmed by song.
So many great lines here. I loved the mariner boy and mermaids lines.
Great write.

[Moonie]

Yep, that's the secret. I am glad you reviewed this and that you found it beautiful. :)

[ReneeJ]

If I can remember well, you often use nature as your setting, which always works. This was a well written poem, impressive use of imagery and well structured. Keep writing!

[Moonie]

Nature has always been my inspiration, ma'am. I am glad you stopped by. :)

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Moon's fairest daughter

Thank you for your reviews.

To be frank, I have kept on looking at this piece wanted to review it and then dropped the idea in a few cycles.

Let me be brave enough to measure up to it now.

Why is it that I cannot easily review it?

Without wishing to be hyperbolic, because it is so lulling, so gentle, so well penned, so endlessly consistent, so cheering, so complex.

I have a tendency to review long. But were I to even start to review this piece properly, it would take many more pages than Writers Cafe and my computer reasonably allows.

Therein lies its beauty.

I cannot catch it in a breath.

I cannot catch it in several.

So it rhymes in couplets. Is that all I can say?

All I can offer is it is one of the best poems I have read on this site (I used to be Top Reviewer).

Equally without much merit in critique, these are my favourite lines in the face of a constant stream of lullaby words:

'When the northern star shall reach out,
and the distant mariner boy would shout,
that it is the time for mermaids to ascend,
we would wait by the caves and hear their voices blend'

and

'When the air is salty and the water hushed,
we would sleep, wrapped in the golden dust.
Should the cries of the pale skinned sea
ever break our lost rhyming reverie,
we would sing aloud to the moon,
to lull and hush the childish sea soon.'

Look seriously, when I can I will take on a poem and dissect it to bits.

But this I can't.

Every time I try to catch you, you escape me.

This is not much of an offering by my or anyone's standards in review.

With my apologies but in praise.


James

[Moonie]

Oh wow, what a review! I really don't know how to respond to that, dear sir. I love the fact that you found my poem difficult to dissect. That is the ultimate compliment!!!:)
One of the best poems?? For some reason, I don't believe you, sir. I hope you manage to dissect it to bits someday sir. I would love to read that review too.

Lastly, I apologise for the late reply. I wasn't online for 2 months. Also, I would review you back as soon as I find time. :))

[Moonie]

And yes, it rhymes in couplets.......:)

[James Hanna-Magill]

With a smile, it's my pleasure, Best wishes, James

[Moonie]

Sir, if I am completely honest with you, I would say that I have faced the same difficulty with your poems as well. I've read many of your poems, yet I find myself unable to review them in a fair way. You have an excellent command over meter, and your word choice is always perfect. :)

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Sweet and captivating, a wonderful poem!!!!

[Moonie]

Thanks a lot! :)

[Valkyrie Warrior]

You are welcome!