Weary Warrior

Fighting may be inevitable, but futile, when you're up against yourself.

I'm just a warrior who's weary of her war:
I long ago forgot what I'm even fighting for
And since I can't seem to see a sense anymore
I do wonder if there's ever been one before.

 

Among the things I cannot remember

Is the reason why I wouldn’t surrender

What was there to gain that I wanted to win?
What was it that stopped me from giving in?

 

Now that I’ve been fighting for years and years on end

I no longer know what I did so desperately try to defend

So as I think back now, to back then, I wonder when it began,

And how, as time passed, everything stopped making sense.

And now I'm nothing but a worn-out warrior
And I've grown so weary of waging this war
And I wonder what's left for me to fight for
When I don't wish to ever fight again anymore.

I have begun doubting this war and the point of it all

I have become deaf to the war cries and the battle calls

I guess this war has been pointless right from the start

But how could I ever stop my stubborn, hopeful heart?

 

Then again, to forfeit is a destiny worse than defeat
But by forcing myself to fight on forever
It becomes a fate I can fight, and perhaps even beat,
Maybe victory will be worth the endeavor.

Surrender, now, after all the battles I’ve fought,

Would render those struggles pointless and all for naught

So I cannot forfeit the fight, the war waged within,

So as to not scorn sacrifices I’ve made in suicidal sin.

 

Lest I am destroyed and defeated, I have to hold on

Though this war has been going on for far too long

For me to still entertain any hopes that I might yet win

The fight for a more fortunate future that will never begin.

 

Redemption forsaken, I pray for mercy in silent pleas:

Begging for someone to put this weary warrior to peace

So put me out of my misery, and please help me find

A place to rest my head, and a little peace of mind.

Author's Note

Feeling low, dug up old notes. Very old. Dating back to 2010 in parts.

Reviews

[Philip Muls]

I very much recognize the feeling of not giving up because you have come this far and otherwise all was for nothing. It is about ego rather than ratio. Sometimes indeed you put in a lot of effort and along the way the reasons why evaporate and you try to justify it by all means but it feels fake.

Well done Nath.

[Nath]

Thank you!^^
Yeah, I believe that once you start sth (supposing you always do it for a reason), you should go through with it. As is, too much is left unfinished.