Guilty All Along...

If you are guilty, accept it!

“Go and live with her” I screamed with rage.

“But, there’s nothing as you think…..” I never let him finish as I banged the door shut and walked out.

That was the last I have ever heard or seen from Jim, my husband, the Love of my Life.

Well, until yesterday.

                                ………………………………………………………..

 

The ten years that passed in his absence were filled with remorse and guilt. Every day I churned with regret. I wanted to reach out to him but I was afraid. Afraid that he will reject me. Well he had reasons enough…..

I can’t believe I accused him of infidelity. And that too when he was the best man a lady could ever ask for.

I break down every time I rewind our memories. I hate myself for leaving him overpowered by poisonous doubts.

All these years I have been waiting for him. To return. A second man has never come into my life.

But the fact that Jim didn’t even make an attempt to reach out to me in all these years was reason enough to gauge that he hated me and wanted me out of his Life.

Yet I didn’t hate him. I had made that mistake once and will never ever repeat it.

                                  ………………………………………………………………..

My daily life has become monotonous. The first two or three years after our breakup (well, if you can call it that) I was an emotional wreck. I can’t imagine now how I sustained myself then.

I did two jobs a day to keep myself going. Coupled with that was the heavy burden of guilt over my shoulder.

Finally but painfully I found my foothold back. And all that began with a strong trust in God. I became a regular churchgoer and a dutiful devotee.

Whenever I pray, I cry. I cry forgiveness for everything I have done. I can’t ever forgive myself but I beg forgiveness from Him.

I have a penchant for writing. So I decided to try my luck in that. But that too was difficult. Whenever I write about relationships, a sense of uneasiness envelops me. Yet I press on for I never want others to end up as myself.

Well, so far I have written six books and all have been received well. I finally have a job that fills my tummy.

                                                                         

Author's Note

Please say how you feel about it!
This will be a really short book:)

Reviews

[angel]

It is great and I have done the same thing. I love this and it is so true. I enjoy your writing. I also write books and poems. Best luck to you.

[Ted Kniffen]

Neetha, this is a pretty good snippet for your short book. It tells a bit of a story and supplies background well. The feeling of immediacy could be intensified if the tense changes were all in the present...i.e.
"Every day I churned with regret. I wanted to reach out to him but I was afraid. Afraid that he will reject me. Well he had reasons enough….."
read it as...
Every day I churn with regret. I want to reach out to him but I'm afraid. Afraid that he will reject me. Well he has reason enough…..
You're off to a good start, keep writing.

[Zephyr]

Thank you so much Ted:)
I am happy to read your review!
I totally agree with you!

[Anjali]

Now that I have finally reached the start of your short book, I could understand the story well. Earlier it was just a piece of story missing some links that I could now connect it over here, still your writing style engaged me to read and review.

[Zephyr]

Oh........I am really humbled by your words.
I am so happy you enjoyed;)

[duff]

A fine chapter you have penned. An intimate look inside a character's conflict. Guilt and the erosion of the soul. Lots of emotions flying around here and you put it all together to make an enjoyable read. Nicely done.

[Zephyr]

Thank you so much Duff:)
Halfway writing I became confused:)

[duff]

You're welcome and maybe that's a good thing because you did a great job:)

[Chase Dylan]

A very interesting intro into the mind of a troubled woman... Guilt and suspicion can destroy us... A feeling most, if not all of can relate to on a personal level... Meaning your book will spark relatable interest... A keen starting point... Well penned...

[Zephyr]

Thank you again Silente:)
Am happy to have you as a friend and critic:)

[Chase Dylan]

I am very happy to have a friend as creative and happy as you, Neetha...! Keep at it

[Zephyr]

I am soo happy to hear this:)

[Wajiha Nayeem]

good start....leads to great work....keep writing!

[Zephyr]

Thank you so much Wajiha:)
Yeah I will:)

[Rassoul]

We all should move on from whatever bothers us or not good enough for us.

Good piece of writing, Naat.

[Zephyr]

Thank you so much, Rassoul:)
Am happy you enjoyed!

[Joey Nizz]

We all should be moving ahead and go forward, and not cling to our past and take a few steps back and fall into a ditch with reacquiring unwanted memories.

This was a good read, thanks for sharing.

[Zephyr]

Thank you so much, Joey:)
Always glad you enjoyed!

[Joey Nizz]

Your welcome :)

[Priyanshi]

it is really great, dear ....it will be more interesting to read the next parts....waiting for the next chapter to read.

[Zephyr]

Thank you so much, Priyanshi:)
Am lucky to have you as my friend!

[Priyanshi]

That's my pleasure, keep on writing as whatever you portray is always the best.

[wordman]

doubt gets into or minds and we add to it and blows out of proportion causing break ups ,sad situation ,we loose our best friend really over nothing but doubt

[Zephyr]

Yeah its true!
Thanks for the review:)