Distorted.

A short poem about how one can lack feeling or emotion and seek it in a cold desperation.

Thoughts racing like the broken tempo of a slide show. 

Innocence unknown and seeked out in cold desperation. 

Petulant tantrums on a cosmic scale.

Humanity ripped and taken.

Souls forsaken and crushed.

Childlike innocence sucked down greedy gluttonous gullets.

Thirsty for a taste of purity.

Just a single moment of clarity and false understanding.

Moment fleeting.

Soulless sack absorbs distorted emotions.

Pumped into a decaying heart by the eyeless emotionless creatures into the empty mind like hellish fiends.

Is this what it’s like to be trapped in a distorted mind?

Reviews

[Phill Oz O'fee]

This reminds me of emotional numbness ... a poignant interesting write you have composed! I am always aware that even if you’re having trouble connecting, reaching out to the people who love you helps. They may be able to help you connect, and you may find relief in telling them what you’re experiencing. :-)

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Thank you for your review and kind words!!!

For this writing I was taking a peak into those soulless criminal minds. The type to only feel a little bit of something in their soul when they kill, rape, maim..you name it. However, your words are very true. Always seek out people in time of need.

[Paul Shannon]

I have read each of your poems and this one is my favorite. While the others have punchy, rhythmic voices to them, this one feels like it follows an odd polyrhythm, which supplements the theme of the piece. My one criticism would be to try and avoid cliche - there's plenty of that going around in the poetry world. Well done

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Thank you for your review and positive energy!!

Haha, oh yes...cliché’s are hard to get out of but easy to do. I’ll definitely keep that in mind.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think when we have been through enough pain, we become too mature and callous...we lose that reckless abandon of youth...that spirit that allowed us to love free...
i like the use of the "slide show"--- i remember all the slides my dad took of our vacations...the clarity was like HD with those.
and it reminds me of how our emotions get distorted but when we have a reckoning and realize our humanity has been stripped...it is a lousy feeling, but at least there is clarity.
j.

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Thank you very much for your review J.

Also, to quote you, "we become too mature and callous". That could not be a more honest and insightful line. Maturity is welcomed or even desired for most people. But there is such a thing as /too/ mature.

Also slide shows are awesome. It depicts a story in single moments. Thank you for sharing that memory as well.

[Apollos]

The confusing duality of "innocence unknown and seeked out in cold desperation" is quite compelling.

Like that wordplay of "taken/forsaken".

"Thirsty for a taste of purity" hit me like a ton of bricks lol. Partly because it sounds like a rhyme I would make and the other for how true the insatiable desire for stability is in an unstable mindset.

"Soulless sack absorbs distorted emotions" Isn't is it amazing how powerful a very dark line can sound? It must be the combination of a beautiful revelation over an ugly truth.

Really enjoyed this one! You were very potent with such few words in this one. I wrote one called "Diluted" if you ever want to check out my version of this kind of topic.

On a lighter side, I'm about to post one called "Hopeless Romantic" that will highlight my Romantic Comedy side. The only other one I've written like it was the first one I posted on this site called "Slim Lady".

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Haha!! Thank you for the review and positive feedback.

I will agree of the contrast between that line and your work. Haha. Crazy how that works. I am very pleased to hear you enjoyed this! I will definitely check those out!!! It will be nice to see the difference between the work I have read and your comedian side.

[JR]

I've often wondered that too... what's it like to be trapped in a mind like that? Would you even know it? Would you be aware that your view was altered? You do a good job bringing your reader in with very vivid imagery, and you hold their attention until that last question, which brings it all together. This has a great flow to it, nice work.

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

I love that you’re questioning this!! Also, thank you for your review, thought provoking questions and your kind words.

I feel as though if you’re stuck in a mind like that you wouldn’t know unless you realize how different you are from others. Especially as a kid.