Repeat.

Just a dark little poem. A little more of word play than I usually do.

The sun is for today.
Tomorrow is another cloud away.
Boom. Another taken away,
For their blasphemous praise.
For those tedious days.
Just to get another soul to prey.
Greedy are their minds.
Tidy are their crimes.
No evidence left behind.

Crimson.

Yellow are his eyes.
Salty are his lies.
As he smiles at his prize.
His mind saying “gotchya”

Vermilion.

Blue are her tears
As her heart clenches with fear
As her skin is pierced by his spear.
Her breath almost gone,
As he smiles from ear to ear.

Sanguine.

Snake like tongue licks at teeth.
As his eyes peer beneath.
Her blood stained skirt,
He begins to unsheathe,
His personal dagger.

Carmine.

Her body still warm.
Makes this moment deform,
Into a worm as she starts to squirm.
He thought she was gone.
“She must want more chloroform”

Repeat.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"smiling faces tell lies"
and there are so many hypocrites in this world...they preach one thing and do another.
being real and exuding love...
she longs for cupid's arrow....but he stabs her heart with a rusty, musty blade...
and she prays for death.
very Plath-ian in nature.
j.

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Thank you for the review!

I love this review! Very blunt in nature and so true!

[DIVYA]

The last two verses were my favorites, so stark and brilliant dark poetry. Your word play is really cool and so creative, Nefertiti...

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Thank you for your review and kind words Divya!

[Alessander]

Word play is definitely what came across. It's almost whimsical in rhythm despite the very dark content.

As for content it seems like deceit and rape and violations at every level, whether structural or personal (it ends with chloroform)

This almost seems like the diary of a serial killer (repeat) though it alternates between prey and victim.

Anyhow. Enjoyed this macabre lil piece. There's a sense of inevitability or inescapability throughout

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Thank you very much for the review Alessander.

You have very good insight about this piece. I'm am happy you enjoyed it!! I was hoping to get the sense of being trapped. Mentally and physically by sealing the deal with "Repeat."

[Thepensiveplayer]

I love how you incorporate the color red in each section of your poem. It makes things more intense and it goes a long way to develop the imagery conveyed throughout your work. Crime is quite the thriller especially when it's day by day. Nicely done!

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Hahah!! I guess it is a thriller when it’s everyday! Thank you for appreciating the contrast of the story to the repetition of red!

[JR]

I like the use of color... forces the reader to make connections based on their own emotional connection to that shade. That's a neat trick. Your images are brutal and stark, you make this very consistent. The reader knows where it will end, but they don't want that ending. Nice play on an emotional scale. "Repeat." is particularly cold. You know he's going to do it again. Like the world, we are consumed. Just reading a lot of your work, I like how you vary your style. Keeps a consistent reader guessing, and I'm betting it's more fun for you to play around with different voices and approaches. I know it is for me.

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Thanks JR!! I love your review on this. Very in depth and you have a keen sense of this writing. Yes, I do enjoy writing different aspects of a situation haha. I love that you do too!!

[Inkheart]

Wow I'm new here but I gotta give it here's some fantastic talents like this piece of art above it's just brilliant

[Nefertiti Virtudes Ahmes]

Welcome to the site!!

Thank you very much for reading my content and leaving a review!